Feeling Stuck and Unfulfilled: Longing for Deeper Connection

Woman in nature by @marcospradobr for Unsplash

This blog post was originally written for my newsletter.

Midlife is a wonderful time for reflection. We’ve made it here. We’re looking back at where we came from and ahead to what’s next.

And for highly sensitive women in midlife, you’re particularly attuned to your inner life and emotional experiences. But instead of feeling freeing, midlife can be overwhelming if you’re feeling unfulfilled, out of alignment, or just burned out.

As I began my midlife journey, I wanted to feel more aligned and comfortable with myself. I knew something needed to change but each step I took never felt like enough.

I had spent my life focusing on other’s needs at the expense of my own. And I’d built a life of putting my feelings to the side—or burying them—so I didn’t even know what was missing. I just knew something was.

Maybe you’ve been there. Taking art classes, yoga classes, starting new exercise routines, trying a new religion, a new church, taking self-enrichment classes and courses, accumulating and reading self-help books.

I’ve been there.

Because nothing I did filled me up in the way I’d hoped, I thought that maybe I’d always feel this way.  That I was the problem.

I was really good at seeing all of my weaknesses.  And as I reminded myself again and again about my deficiencies, I felt the hurt deeply within me.

But I know now that I’m not broken. And I want you to know, you’re not the problem. You. Are. Not. Broken.

If the people in your life didn’t understand and support your highly sensitive traits, you learned early on to keep your needs to a minimum. Or you kept them out of sight.

But when we put our needs aside because we’re told we’re “too much,” we continue to get overwhelmed, stressed, and feel like we’re the problem.

Ironically, I’ve learned the that my search for alignment didn’t have to go any further than myself. The thing that was missing in all of this was me. A healthy, loving, caring relationship with myself.

When you take the steps toward a nurturing compassionate relationship with you and all your parts, you find the gifts that make you, you.

• You’ll begin to make choices that align with your energy and values

• You’ll create space and time for reflecting and recharging

• You’ll trust your intuition. And it will become your best ally

If you’re longing to feel more aligned and you’d like a space to process and reflect on where you’re stuck, and ways to move towards fulfillment I’d love to support you.

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Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority.  She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.

Expressive Arts Approaches for Managing Anxiety

Painting with water colors

Guest Post by: Reina Lombardi

Have you ever felt so tired that you couldn’t wait to get in bed only for your brain to fire up as soon as your head hit the pillow? Had your thoughts swirling around one after another about every interaction that occurred that day? What didn’t get done, what could have been done better, what needs to be done tomorrow, the calls you forgot to make, and so on and so forth. This is just one example of how anxiety has presented itself within my life. The consequence of which is often crippling fatigue due to lack of sleep and a negative impact on my level of alertness and ability to function during the day.

Creating Art with Mindful Attention

One of the tools that I have always turned to for life’s stressors is artmaking and journaling. I don’t consider myself to be particularly skillful at either; rather, I approach them as an opportunity to express and release the energy bound within. Practicing letting go of judgement about the outcome of creative practices is an exercise in self-compassion.  It is one that helps us to find value in the process of creating rather than from the end product. It forces one to learn to let go of judging and attributing value based upon one’s ability to produce something “good”.

Mindfulness activities emphasize focusing all of our sensory awareness to what we are experiencing in the present moment without judgement – we simply observe. We can do anything mindfully. Try doing a task you don’t care for while bringing full attention to all of your senses as you are doing it. This can alter our perception of the task itself. It can also help us shift from a feeling of dread to one of tolerance and maybe even appreciation. When we engage in activities mindfully and immerse ourselves in the present moment, we are unable to review incidents from the past or those we are concerned about getting right in future.  It is the construction of meaning about the past and possible outcomes of the future where anxious thinking resides. The act of creation can be a wonderful tool for developing mindfulness.

Bring in some self-compassion

Self-compassion is the act of nurturing and caring for oneself when they feel distressed, disappointed or in pain. It has been positively linked in multiple studies as an effective strategy for anxiety reduction. [i]  Mindfulness, even when brief techniques are taught, has also been effective towards reducing anxiety. [ii] We can practice both mindfulness and self-compassion when we create art. This can become a place for rehearsing these skills in order to generalize them in other areas of our lives. In addition, structured art-making itself has been found to lower levels of the stress hormone Cortisol after just 45 minutes of creating.[iii]

Three Expressive Arts Activities

1. Paint to Music. I start by finding some relaxing music. I prefer to find music sung in languages with which I am not fluent or without lyrics at all for this exercise. Meditation music is excellent for this process. I don’t want my thinking brain to get activated by the lyrics. I set out a palette of watercolor paints, heavy weight cold-pressed paper, several brushes, a cup of water and paper towels for blotting. Then I turn on the music and paint to the music. I allow the music to guide me in the selection of colors and the brush. I make marks according to the tempo and sounds of the music. As I described earlier, I do my best to focus all of my sensory awareness on the experience of doing. I find watercolor to be the best paint medium for this process, but you could also try gouache or acrylic to determine which media works best for you.

2. Sensory-focused expressive journaling. In order to maximize getting myself into a relaxed state I begin by imagining or remembering a place and time where I felt extremely centered and relaxed. For me, this is inevitably somewhere in nature. I then begin to write in as much detail describing every sensory experience associated with the image in my mind. What colors are around me? What smells? What sounds? What does the temperature feel like? What was the weather – windy, hot and humid, snowing? I spend as long as it takes to capture every detail of being in the relaxed state.

Our brains don’t discriminate between real and perceived stimuli. This is why our nervous system becomes activated when we watch a scary movie. In this exercise we are capitalizing on this process to immerse ourselves in a relaxing picture. This results in our nervous system responding as if we really were laying out on the warm windy salty shoreline of a Caribbean Island against a backdrop of crystal clear aquamarine waves, listening to the squawks of the birds, the rustling of the palms blowing in the wind and the soft crunch of steps in the white sand from people strolling by.

3. Mandala drawings. Draw or trace a circle on a piece of paper. Freely create on the paper using line, shape and color. It is okay to create within the circle or outside the circle. Sometimes, I enjoy creating symmetrical patterns. Other times, I utilize words of affirmation within the circle. Other occasions, I might draw a realistic image within the circle. I just allow my hand to begin and see what flows. There are no rules.

The origin of the mandala is from the ancient Hindu language Sanskrit and means “circle.”  Mandalas are common imagery throughout human history and prevalent in multiple spiritual and religious traditions. The circle represents the completion of a cycle or a state of being whole. In nature it is a basic foundation of geometry and can found everywhere – sun, moon, earth, eggs, atoms, cells, etc… The circle is considered to be a sacred form. Creating within the circle can feel centering and offer a means of connecting within.

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References

[i] Egan, S.J., Rees, C.S., Delalande, J. et al. A Review of Self-Compassion as an Active Ingredient in the Prevention and Treatment of Anxiety and Depression in Young People. Adm Policy Ment Health 49, 385–403 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10488-021-01170-2

[ii] Call, D., Miron, L., & Orcutt, H. (2014). Effectiveness of brief mindfulness techniques in reducing symptoms of anxiety and stress. Mindfulness, 5(6), 658-668.

[iii] Kaimal, G., Ray, K., & Muniz, J. (2016). Reduction of cortisol levels and participants' responses following art making. Art therapy, 33(2), 74-80.

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Reina Lombardi, ATR-BC, ATCS, LMHC-QS is the owner of Florida Art Therapy Services, LLC in Fort Myers Florida, and the host of the Creative Psychotherapist Podcast.

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Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority.  She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.

The Power of Practicing Gratitude

Now is the season for feeling thankful and grateful, but maybe we should be practicing gratitude every day.

The post “Giving thanks can make you happier” on Harvard Medical School’s Harvard Health Publishing website, notes that, ““In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

That’s pretty strong evidence for taking time to be grateful—but how do we do that? And can it help us in other ways?

Here are some suggestions to get you started on feeling gratitude each day:

Start a Gratitude Journal. Take some time in your day to journal something you’re grateful for.  It doesn’t matter when you do it, but try to schedule that time or mentally reserve it for journaling. If journaling isn’t your thing, use the time to think about what you’re grateful for each day.

Keep it Simple. Being grateful for small things is as effective as making bigger gestures of gratitude. When I walk, I like to remind myself to pick a few things to be grateful for, like the sun on my face or seeing a squirrel scamper up a tree.

Get creative. Artwork, singing, writing, and dance or movement can be fun ways to express gratitude. 

Share Your Gratitude. The research also shows that when we share what we’re grateful for with others, the positive effects of the practice increase. So, from time to time, share what you’re grateful for with your kids, a partner, friends, family, coworkers, or even a stranger.

Notice the Sensations that Arise. Take a moment and feel in your body and mind what happens when you allow yourself to feel—inside— the joy, awe or appreciation each day. When I take a moment to pause and let the grateful feelings seep in, I feel a warmth in my chest. I can even get choked up when I allow that feeling fully into my heart.

A gratitude practice becomes part of your life

It might feel forced at first, but when you continue to focus on gratitude each day, you’ll start to notice feeling grateful at random times, too.

I find that gratitude and mindfulness practices can complement each other. When I’m mindful of my surroundings I’m also feeling grateful for the things I’m noticing, like the sound of the wind in the tress, or the feeling of my dog’s soft ears, or the way the sun makes shadows on the walls in my home.

You can bring gratitude into your life in a way that fits you and your lifestyle, so that it becomes a natural part of how you move through the world.

If you think someone would benefit from a gratitude practice, please share this with them! Together, we can make the world a little more positive, resilient and connected.

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Image from @abdullam at Unsplash.com

Elizabeth Cush (LCPC) is a licensed clinical professional counselor, a women’s life coach, and business owner in Annapolis, MD where she hosts Awaken Your Wise Woman a podcast for women who want to live more fully and authentically. She loves helping women reconnect with themselves so that they can live with more purpose. Her coaching work is focused on self-compassion practices, healthy boundaries and making the care of Self a priority.  She’s worked in the mental health field for over 15 years, is a certified clinical trauma professional and she incorporates mindfulness and meditation into her psychotherapy and coaching work.

Use Mindfulness to Manage Dark Winter Days

So far, 2021 is feeling a lot like 2020. The new year can’t suddenly change what’s happening. I’m feeling all kinds of things about the assault on Capitol Hill by our fellow country people, about the virus’s seemingly unchecked spread throughout the world, and about the rising death tolls.

My feelings of relief and hope around the inauguration and our new President, Joe Biden, and Vice President, Kamala Harris, have filled me up in a way I wasn’t expecting. Hearing the President honor all the lives lost to COVID-19 and encouraging us to work to unify the country brought me to tears.

Although we still face a lot of uncertainty, even with a new president in charge, and so much is still beyond our control, we do have choices.

When we live in the worry of what was or what might be, we lose touch with where we are right now. Even though things feel out of control or worrisome, a lot of lovely things are happening in this moment. And we miss them when the worry consumes us. So, what can we do to feel more grounded and present in our lives?

Last week on the podcast I shared some mindfulness practices to help us feel more present and grounded. I’ve shared a few of these in my newsletter, and if you don’t already get it, you can sign up here, and please forward this blog to someone who might need a little help to bring more mindfulness into their lives.

What Does “Being Mindful” Mean?

When we’re being mindful, we’re bringing our full attention to our sensory experience, to our five senses. You can choose to focus on one—what you see, smell, taste, touch, or hear—or you can focus on a combination of senses. We call the thing you’re focused on your anchor.

Because you’re human, your attention can easily get pulled away to your thoughts and worries. When it does shift away from your focus, because it will, gently, kindly bring it back to the “anchor” you’ve chosen.

Below are a few mindful exercises you can do whenever you have a few minutes. The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it is to pull back from the worry and stress about things you can’t control and be with what is.

On a side note, mindfulness isn’t about seeing the world or our lives through rose-colored glasses. It’s about learning to be with whatever our present-moment experience is.

Five Mindfulness Practices For Your Life

I hope these mindfulness exercises or practices will help you move more mindfully into the springtime.

1. Mindful Journaling

Mindful journaling can be great way to process feelings and be creative at the same time.

Set aside some time for journaling each day. I prefer right before I go to bed but it can be any time that works for you.

Take a moment before you begin writing and check in with how you’re feeling. Are you relaxed and at ease? Are you feeling stressed or anxious? Are there worries and thoughts going round and round in your head?

Write down what you’re feeling, and what that feeling looks like in your body. Give yourself the freedom to write and draw whatever comes to mind.

Can you allow the feeling to be there, without trying to change it?

When you sense that you’ve captured the feelings, thank yourself for taking the time to notice all that showed up for you today.

I’ve shared some prompts for managing anxiety at Upfinch.com. When you sign up, use the code WORRIERS at checkout for 15 percent off the life of your subscription.

2. Mindful Moment

On a warm sunny day, step outside and stand in the grass or on the ground. If it’s warm enough, take off your shoes and socks.

Close your eyes, or gaze softly in front of you. Bring your attention to the bottoms of your feet and where they make contact with the ground beneath you.

Imagine your feet are firmly rooted into the earth below, like a tree. Feel the energy of the earth rising up through your body.

Take a few slow, deep breaths, keeping your focus on your feet.

Stand like this for as long as it’s comfortable. When you’re ready, slowly move your body, open your eyes and refocus your gaze.

If at any time throughout your day you’re feeling stressed, notice your feet on the ground and the feeling of being rooted to the earth.

3. Mindful Minute

Pause what you're doing and take a moment to notice where you are. Name all the different colors that you can see. You can name them aloud or silently to yourself.

4. Listen Mindfully

One of my favorite ways to meditate and be mindful is by tuning in to the sounds around me. As you sit quietly, try to hear as many different sounds as possible. There might be people talking nearby, dogs barking, the wind blowing the tress, birds chirping….

Close your eyes and let the sounds come and go without focusing on any one of them. When your attention gets pulled in one direction, gently bring yourself back to all the sounds washing over you. You can set a timer for three to five minutes or do it for as long as you like. 

When the time is up, open your eyes, take a deep breath and go on with your day.

5. Mindful Winter Walk   

Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated to walk when it’s cold and gray, but walking in the winter can be a sensory-filled experience that can warm your heart.

Bundle up and take yourself to a park or nature preserve or take a walk in your neighborhood.

Before you begin your walk, pause and take a deep breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Rock back on your heels and then up to your toes if this feels comfortable.

Remind yourself that while you’re walking, you’re going to tune into your sensory experience.

Take some time with each of your five senses. First notice the smell of the earth, leaves, the air. How many different odors do you smell?

Then look around and bring an awareness to all the colors and shapes you can see as you’re walking.

Notice where your feet make contact with the earth and the clothes on your skin. Do you feel cold or warm? Which parts of you feel warm or cold? Notice your body moving and your breath as you inhale and exhale.

Now notice all the different sounds that come and go. Do you hear the wind? Maybe you hear birds chirping or ducks and geese flying past. Maybe you hear small animals scurrying through the underbrush.

If you have water with you, take a sip and notice the taste and how it feels in your mouth.

Allow all of your senses to come alive as you walk.

Why l Love Mindfulness

Mindfulness has helped me to feel more present with all of my feelings and experiences. For example, being fully present for those moments when I come downstairs from my office and Elvis (my dog) greets me as if I’ve been gone for days brings me so much joy. I’m able to soak up his love and let the worries be. It helps me be reminded that even in the struggle there can be ease and connection.

If you’d like more tips for being mindful in everyday life, you can sign-up for the newsletter and get my meditation and mindfulness guides for FREE!

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I’m excited about this collaboration and happy to share that Upfinch is sponsoring the Woman Worriers podcast for the month of January. When you subscribe to the Upfinch platform, the first month is free, and they’re offering Woman Worriers podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers a 15-percent discount off their monthly subscription when you enter the coupon code “WORRIERS” at check-out!

>> You can find the guides here.

>> And sign up for your 15% discount here.

The journals are private and never accessed by humans or software.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

Explore Your Inner World Through Journaling

Do you journal? Journaling is the practice of writing down whatever is in your head. You can journal daily, weekly, or whenever you feel the urge.  A journal can be a place to offload and explore your worries and stress. A place to navigate your inner landscape, a place to record your daily activities, your artwork, special events…You can make your journaling practice as unique as you are. I often recommend the practice to my clients as a way to relieve stress, but some have told me that it can be hard to know what to write. It doesn’t have to be that way.

My own journaling journey

I’ve had an off-and-on relationship with journaling. At times in my life I journaled every day; other times it was more sporadic or not at all. Recently, I came across a bunch of my old journals in a box in my basement. Some of them date back to middle school! That was more than 40 years ago.

There’s something comforting about knowing that my experiences are logged into notebooks that I can go back to anytime. And research shows that journaling improves our mental and physical well-being and our cognitive abilities. 

I’ve come back to my journal this year. I was doing it occasionally, and when the pandemic struck, I took up nightly journaling to process my stress and anxieties before going to bed. I’ve enjoyed coming back to the daily ritual, and it calms my mind before sleep during these unsettling times.

Journaling in the digital age

These days you can find apps and online platforms that make journaling easier than ever.

A few weeks ago, the founder of the online journaling platform Upfinch contacted me. They were interested in collaborating, and we set up a phone call to talk about the possibilities. They shared their mission with me, and I was impressed:

If we don’t take time to consciously reflect on our lives, it will never occur. Instead of floating to the next temporary island of comfort, we should be clearly defining what we want and how to get there.

Their journaling prompts get you thinking about yourself and your goals, and they offer prompts to increase positive mental health. Within each category, their templates give you the space to describe your thoughts, stresses and worries.  The prompts at Upfinch help you explore and gain a better understanding of yourself. They then take it a step further and prompt you to explore the ideas that can help you move forward.

The founders of Upfinch asked me to collaborate on the templates for anxious feelings and thoughts, and I’m honored to have my suggestions included on their platform!

I’m excited about this collaboration and happy to share that Upfinch is sponsoring the Woman Worriers podcast for the month of January. When you subscribe to the Upfinch platform, the first month is free, and they’re offering Woman Worriers podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers a 15-percent discount off their monthly subscription when you enter the coupon code “WORRIERS” at check-out!

>> You can find the guides here.

Sign up Here!

>> And sign up for your 15% discount here.

The journals are private and never accessed by humans or software.

Give journaling a try!

People have shared with me that not knowing what to journal about stops them from starting.  What stops you from journaling? Maybe 2021 is the year to get started or try a new way to do it.

Through journaling, let’s enter the New Year with new insights and more positive intentions!

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I want to Find Similar Articles and podcast episodes

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

Finding Joy During the Holidays and Throughout the Winter

We humans tend to see and remember the negative more than the positive. Researchers call it “negative bias.” We recall more bad memories than good ones. When we worry about the future or past, it’s the negative stuff that comes to mind.

Negativity comes naturally

Our negative bias is perfectly normal if you consider how it came about. Our ancestors needed to survive living in the wild, so their brains were always scanning the environment for danger. If they hadn’t, they would have been be eaten by a lion or tiger, so it was useful to be looking for all the possible bad stuff. But we no longer have wild animals stalking us, so our brains find other things—everyday things—to see as dangerous.

Our worries are usually about things we can’t control: Not getting enough “Likes” on social media,” not being invited to the neighbor’s holiday party, or what others think about our clothes, or haircut, or how we behaved.

But worrying about the bad all the time can color how we see and experience what’s happening right now, too. If we’re stuck in negative thinking, we might not notice an opportunity to get a hug, or the array of colors when the sun sets, or the breeze on our face, or the smell or the earth after a rainstorm, or the warmth of our home after we’ve been outside in the cold.

Shifting to a positive perspective

The amazing thing is we can intentionally bring in the positives of everyday life. Doing so can shift our mood. We can go from being depressed or grumpy to feeling hopeful or upbeat. The more we focus on what’s good and joyful, the more our overall outlook on life begins to shift.

Now, I’m no Pollyanna. I know that things are particularly hard right now with COVID still running rampant and the dark cold days of winter upon us, and with social justice struggles continuing throughout the world, I also know there are still good things that we can shift our attention to when while still acknowledging the negative things that are going on.

The key to this practice is practice! Because we’re so hardwired to gravitate towards possible negative outcomes and memories, we need to consciously bring in the positive, notice the joy and remember good results and experiences.

Here are five suggestions to bring more hope, more joy and positive feelings into your life:

Notice the worrying. Each time you find yourself focusing on your worries, take a moment to pause. You can say to yourself, “I was stuck in the bad and now I’m going to notice something good.”  Then bring your attention to small accomplishments you’ve had that day, or good memories. The idea is to come up with at least one positive thing.

Bring in more joy. Take time in your day to notice what inspires you or brings a sense of joy and awe. For me, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the warmth of the sun shining on the water, or the unconditional love that my dog Elvis has for me, all can leave me feeling awed by the earth’s beauty and the depth of emotion I feel.

Practice gratitude. What are you thankful or grateful for? Each day it can be something new. Maybe you’re grateful to have a job, or to have gotten out of bed even though you’re tired, or that your mom or a friend called unexpectedly, and it cheered you up.

The idea is to make practicing gratitude a part of your day. Journaling can help make it a more intentional experience. Sharing the things you’re grateful for with others has an even bigger impact on you and them.

Smile. Some meditations encourage you smile with your eye or smile like the Buddha. They suggest it because just the act of smiling makes us feel joyful and happier. So the next time you’re feeling a bit down, try smiling, even if you don’t feel like it.

Appreciate your body. We are so hard on ourselves about our weight or fitness. Bodies naturally come in all shapes and sizes. They carry and support us throughout our days, 365 days each year, for years and years. That’s pretty amazing! So, take a moment to thank your body for being an amazing organism that does so many things naturally, without your even needing to think about it. 

Enjoy!

The stress of the holidays and the cold dark days of winter can make it easy to get stuck in a negative thinking loop. I hope these tips will help you find the joy and splendor of the holidays, of the season and in your life.

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 I want to Find Similar Articles and podcast episodes

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

How to Manage Holiday Expectations

The holidays are coming! Here in the United States, Thanksgiving is right around the corner and all the other winter celebrations are soon to follow. I’ve come to love the holiday season because it means spending time with family, eating good food and enjoying social gatherings—but it wasn’t always that way.

I can remember as a child having HUGE expectations for what I felt the holiday “should be.” Most of the time life didn’t meet my expectations. Things were usually pretty good, but I wanted things to be perfect. In my fantasy, I’d get all the gifts I asked for, my siblings wouldn’t tease me, we’d bake pies and cookies and no one would get yelled at or get in trouble. We’d be the perfect family celebrating the perfect Christmas. As you might expect, I was often left feeling disappointed.

Perfectionism and Expectations

Perfectionism and having high expectations are a couple of ways we try to manage our anxiety about things we can’t control. We tell ourselves that if nothing goes wrong, then we won’t feel bad, things won’t be uncomfortable, nothing will derail the holiday spirit.

The unspoken expectations are especially hard for us and our relationships. We want others to know what we need, but we might not know how to ask. Then, when our expectations aren’t acknowledged or met, we feel hurt, unseen, underappreciated…. But how can others meet our expectations if they know nothing about them?

If we hope that the people in our lives who care about us will be able to intuit—just know—what we need, we’re giving them a lot of credit for mind reading or picking up on subtle or passive clues. Most people aren’t that attuned or gifted!

How to get your expectations met

I’ve found that for holidays and celebrations to feel enjoyable and less stressful, it’s up to me to know what I want and need, and to share that with others. I’m working to be in the moment so I can experience what’s happening right now (managing my expectations) and asking for help when I need it (asking for what I need).

Here are five suggestions to help you feel more at ease and enjoy this holiday season and beyond:

1. Take some time to listen to You. What expectations do you have? What are your hopes?

2. Ask yourself in the moment, are my expectations realistic? Am I sharing my expectations with others?

3. When you’re feeling resentful, underappreciated, frustrated or unseen, ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Maybe you need help setting the table, or shopping for your partner’s mother’s gift. Who can you ask for help?

4. When you’re tired, overwhelmed or stressed, ask yourself, “What can I give to Me right now?” Maybe it’s rest, or a drink of water or hot tea. Maybe it’s pausing and taking a deep breath. Maybe you need a hug. Can you find a way to give yourself what you need in this moment?

5. Take some time to savor the good. Can you see colorful leaves on the trees or ground? Or snow sparkling in the sunlight? Did your child or pet snuggle up next to you just as when you were about to go do more—and did that allow you to pause and connect for a moment? Or maybe you noticed you were tired and went to bed early instead of scrolling social media. Try to be present with that good feeling for a few minutes.

You may feel holiday stress, because the holidays are stressful and we’re all carrying a lot more additional stress coming into the holidays this year. Still, when we manage our expectations and we voice our needs to ourselves and others, we can reduce the stress and enjoy the moments that are happening all the time, right now.

Using Meditation and Mindfulness to Manage Anxiety

If you’ve listened to the Woman Worriers podcast, or read some of my blogs, you know that I credit my mindfulness and meditation practice for helping me manage my anxiety, stress and feelings of overwhelm.

Before I started meditating, I was sure I’d never be able to clear my mind of worry and thoughts. Although I’d heard others talk about the benefits of meditation, I was skeptical that it would do anything for me.

I wasn’t sure I could sit quietly for very long. And then to try to clear my mind of any thoughts or worries? Forget it! But I’ve learned there’s so much more to a mindful meditation practice.

What meditation is and isn’t

Meditation and mindfulness are not a magic pills that take the anxiety away; rather they’re  practices that help you become more aware of your anxious feelings. Meditation and mindfulness can help you get to know your inner self—your more genuine self—with more clarity, and they can bring more ease into your daily life.

As I read more and listened to mindfulness and meditation teachers’ presentations, I got curious. A therapist I was seeing at the time loaned me the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn, and I was intrigued. I began exploring other resources and talking to more people about how I could get started.

Listening and learning about mindfulness

My regular practice began when I purchased Self-compassion Step by Step by Kristen Neff and Meditation and Psychotherapy by Tara Brach, from Sounds True. These CDs of educational talks include meditations that you can follow along with during the teachings.

With those purchases I also received a free CD of guided meditations. It was a sample of seven or eight meditations with different teachers. I copied the CD into my iTunes and used it regularly. 

By listening to the CDs, I learned that mindful meditation isn’t about clearing your mind of worries and thoughts, it’s about being aware of where your mind goes—all the time. It’s normal for our mind to wander, and we can learn how to bring our attention and focus back to an anchor, like our breath or sounds or a mantra. I like to think of it this way:  Each time I bring my mind back from wherever it went, I’m teaching my brain what it feels like to live in the present moment, instead of being stuck in the worry and stress.

The courses I purchased through Sounds True taught me how to use meditation in sessions with clients because they taught me how tolerate my own difficult feelings by using self-compassion practices. I can say wholeheartedly that the work of Tara Brach and Kristen Neff have impacted my client’s lives just as their teachings have changed my relationship with myself in very meaningful ways.

Continuing the meditation journey

At the beginning of my journey with mindfulness, I moved in and out of meditation, sometimes practicing regularly, and at other times not practicing at all. When you’re learning on your own, without a group, it can be hard. It’s so easy to get caught up in something else.

Although I don’t use the free meditations that I got from Sounds True anymore, I do practice regularly. And I notice it when I don’t.  I feel as if something is missing, and y body yearns to get back to the practice. I’ve taken some amazing courses, joined meditation groups, interviewed meditation teachers and bought lots of books to help me sustain the work. 

I was honored to talk with Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, on the Woman Worriers podcast. We explored what inspired her to create the platform, how her journey has helped her to find a sense of belonging in the world and the universe, and how she sees the company moving forward.

I respect and value the resources that Sounds True offers and decided recently to team up with them, so the Woman Worriers podcast is now an affiliate partner. If you use my link, a portion of the proceeds from anything you purchase will go to fund the podcast.

I love podcasting and it takes time, energy and money to continue to do it well, and to offer you a meaningful experience, with good sound and careful editing. With support from other resources, like Sounds True and Audible, I can continue to do the work I love and share it with the world!

Here’s the link to use to check out what Sounds True has to offer and to support the Woman Worriers podcast: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/#ecush

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

How To Recognize Stress When You're Stuck At Home

I experience anxiety, I’m an introvert and I recognized later in life that I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP), so it’s not surprising that I usually spend a good amount of time alone. With the current physical distancing and stay-at-home restrictions here in my home state of Maryland, the pace of my days is a little slower and I’m spending even more time at home.

I’m not a big fan of exercising in a gym with a lot of other sweaty people. Stadium music events stress me out, and shopping at a crowded mall or store isn’t my idea of fun. So, although this time of enforced quarantine is really hard, being at home is not a problem for me.

Make no mistake—I miss traveling, seeing my kids, my family and my friends and being able to go out without worrying about the virus. But I recognize that some time spent alone is actually good for my emotional state.

Stress and anxiety as background noise

Unfortunately, I’m not spending more time at home by choice. Although I’m not dying to go to the gym, I’d like to be able to go to a store without worrying about coming home contaminated. That feeling of powerlessness can add an underlying level of stress to my life.

I’ve taken up journaling each night before bed. Lately I’ve noticed a low level of anxiety that’s with me at the end of each day. It’s as if my body is saying, “There’s another day/week/weekend ahead where you have to be alert and careful. Stay on guard.”

It’s not surprising that some nights that I feel like I dream all night long and others where I toss and turn or wake up in the middle of the night. Fortunately I sleep soundly some nights, but I’m always tired when I wake, so I know my body is holding on to stress all the time.

Tips For Managing Stress In Troubling Times

If you can relate to my experience, or even if you’re feeling pretty good, you can incorporate a few things into your life to help you better manage the constant underlying stress of living in a time of crisis.

Be kind to yourself.  I’ve seen people posting on social media that this as a period of increased creativity and productivity—but if you’re not feeling productive or creative right now, know that you’re not alone. Stress and anxiety make it very hard to find the mental energy and mindset for anything other than survival. So, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are where you are, and that you’re doing the best that you can right now.

Be kind to yourself 2.0. You might also find that you’re falling back into old roles, habits or behaviors you thought you’d changed or modified. Know that it’s not unusual for this to happen. We can easily revert back to old ways of coping with our stress because those old ways of being and doing worked in the past to help us feels better.

I’ve been comfort eating—consuming more carbs than usual—and it is comforting! You might be drinking, using other substances or eating more or less than usual. Or maybe you’re on your phone or other screen more than you’d like to be, or ignoring your kids, or playing more video games than usual to help you relax. Try being kind to yourself in this time, no matter what. We’re in a state of crisis, and adding harsh self-criticism to the mix will only make you feel worse.

Get some fresh air. Being inside might feel safer or less scary, but your body craves nature to help it balance and reset. Find a place where you can feel the ground under your feet, wiggle your toes and stand barefoot if possible, so you can really feel connected to the earth. Imagine you are rooted to the ground, like a tree. Take a few slow deep breaths and notice the air as it enters and leaves your body. Allow yourself to be here for a few minutes before moving on to whatever is next.

Set aside five minutes each day to journal. Taking pen to paper can calm your nervous system without you having to do anything else other than write or draw. Here are a few prompts to get you started:

• What’s happening in my body right now? Get curious and use words or images to describe how your body feels right now.

• What did I do today? It doesn’t have to be profound. Write as much or as little detail as you like.

• How am I feeling right now? Tired? Anxious? Relaxed? Write how you’re feeling and try not to judge a feeling as “good” or “bad.” If you find you’re judging your feelings, journal a reminder that everyone has all the feelings all the time.

• Let it flow. Write about whatever comes to mind.

• Make note of three things you’re grateful for that day. They can be big things or small ones, like seeing the sun shining through the window. Research shows that gratitude practices can reduce depression and anxious feelings.

Laugh out loud. Watch a TV show, YouTube video or Instagram post that gets you laughing out loud. Laughter relieves the stress response, massages your internal organs and can stimulate your circulation and relax your muscles. So get those laughter juices flowing!

We will move through this. Taking care of yourself while we do is good for your body and mind.

Are you doing some fun, outside the box, creative things to de-stress? I’d love to hear about them and include them in a podcast episode!

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

5 Tips for Teletherapy or Online Counseling

Many therapists in the United States and probably across the globe have switched to some or all virtual sessions. It all shifted so quickly that I’m amazed the Internet didn’t collapse! Between everyone streaming movies, shows, games, and exercise classes, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well my online sessions with clients have gone and how well my clients adapted to this new medium.

I’ve been doing online therapy, or teletherapy, with a few clients for about a year, so I’m familiar with the platform.  A lot of free training is available to help therapists  get online and feel more comfortable, but I haven’t seen much to help our clients feel more at ease with this “new normal.”

Sitting in the client’s seat

I experienced the discomfort first-hand as I got ready to meet my therapist online for the first time this week. I’ve been advocating for the switch with my clients, but when it was my turn, I found I wasn’t as enthusiastic at all! Some of the thoughts that went through my head were:

• “Maybe I don’t need a session this week.”

• “It can’t possibly be as meaningful as in person.”

• “I wish I’d just cancelled my session.”

I like going to my therapist’s office, and I was a little frustrated that I had to do this “new thing at home.” We talked and I laughed about my own discomfort as we met through our screens. Guess what? My session went really well! I got so much out of the session.

Experiencing virtual therapy myself gave me a lot of perspective and I felt so much compassion for my clients who have to do this “new thing.”

So, I thought it might be helpful to share some things that might help you if you’re going through a something similar, or if you’re considering therapy for the first time and your sessions will be online.

Here are a few tips for client of online therapy:

1.    You’re probably going to feel a little nervous about seeing your therapist online if you’ve never done it that way before. Your therapist will probably be nervous, too, especially if it’s new for them too.

Meeting a therapist in a new space in a new way feels different, and that can make us feels uncomfortable and anxious. That’s totally normal! Talking to your therapist about your feelings can help you feel comfortable as you get more familiar this new platform.

2.     If possible, find a place in your home where you feel at ease and have a comfy place to sit.  As a therapist, I go to great lengths to make my office feel like a sanctuary. A place you come to and say, “Ahhhh…”

We will talk about difficult issues in session and we want you to feel supported even in your discomfort. So, do your best to find a place where you can relax when meeting virtually with your therapist.

3.     Privacy is very important. When you go to your therapist’s office, there’s good chance you’ve come across a white noise machine. That’s because we want our conversation in the therapy room to be private. Now, you don’t necessarily need a white noise machine, but you do want to find a place in your home where you can talk freely.

If you have to monitor your voice level or are worried about someone listening to your conversation, address this with your therapist.  Maybe you can find an alternative solution, like calling or meeting virtually in your car, or another private place.

Using headphones or earbuds can help, too. That way, you are the only one hearing your therapist’s voice.

4.     There will be glitches! Technology is rarely seamless. Screens will freeze, voices will sound disjointed of clipped, or you might not be able to connect at all online. Those issues can be very frustrating. The amazing thing is that, most of the time, it works really well. So, try not to get too discouraged if a video session isn’t perfect.

I’ve opted to call clients by phone when the online technology is working against us. Your therapist might not be able to provide this option if your insurance won’t allow phone calls, but your therapist might be able to suggest other options.

5.     If you’ve always met your therapist in their office, know that we are in this new space together. You will get used to it. The discomfort will fade, and therapy will continue to be a source of support, learning, comfort, acceptance and growth.

As we move forward in this new world where entire countries can be affected by health concerns, I’m grateful for the virtual spaces where we can feel connected to our families, friends, colleagues and our therapists!

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

5 Tips For Managing Your Anxiety About Coronavirus

The coronavirus, or COVID-19, is all over the news. Everywhere, we see evidence of people’s fears about the virus. Hand sanitizer is hard to find. Organizers are cancelling conferences and events. When I traveled to the west coast last weekend, I saw many people at the airport wearing masks over their nose and mouth.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the reported cases have ranged from mild symptoms to severe illness and, in some instances, death. Symptoms may appear from two days to two weeks after a person is exposed to the virus. Symptoms include fever, cough and shortness of breath.

COVID-19 is a lot like the flu except it’s a new virus—one that got transmitted from animals to humans—and we don’t have a vaccine yet. So that is a little frightening.

But, it’s hard to know how concerned we should be. Some news reports leave me worried and scared, and some leave me reassured and wondering why we’re all in a panic.

The hardest part of getting sick is that we have very little control over whether we get sick. Our lack of control can make the worry, stress and anxiety much worse. So, how do we manage our stress when we can’t control an outcome?

There’s no tool that can take the COVID-19 worries away. The virus is out there. But you can do a few things to help you feel more grounded and present, and hopefully reduce your stress in the moment.

1. Wash Your Hands

The CDC recommends washing your hands as one of the best means of prevention—much better than wearing a mask. On the other hand, if you’re sick, wear a mask and keep your germs to yourself.

And you can make washing your hands a mindful moment. Experts recommend that you should wash your hands for at least 20 seconds to rid them of germs. As you’re counting down the time, listen to the water as is flows out of the faucet, smell the soap’s fragrance, watch it lather and notice the feeling of the lather in your hands. As you rinse your hands, watch the lather flow down the drain. When your minds goes to worries or stress about the coronavirus, bring your attention back to the sensations of washing your hands.

2. Stop Touching Your Face

The CDC also recommends keeping your hands away your face. Let me tell you, this is really hard. I’ve caught myself picking something out of my teeth with my finger (I know, TMI) and rubbing my eyes without any thought to all to the germs that might be on my hands. Try not to judge yourself too harshly if you forget, too. We’re human and we have a lot of habits that aren’t easy to break.

3. Avoid Information Overload

A lot of information is flying around out there, so managing your information intake is important. I try not to check the news about the virus more than once a day, but someone or something can bring me news even when I’m not looking for it. 

If you do hear disturbing facts or updates about the virus, remind yourself that there are some things that you can’t control and that you’re doing the best you can to control the things that are within your power to control.

4. Breathe Deeply

A few deep breaths can calm your nervous system and boost your immune system. A few times a day—especially if you feel stressed—take three slow, deep breaths. Fill your lungs, back and belly when you inhale. As you exhale, let your breath out slowly, making a sighing noise—haaaaaahh.

5. Take Care of Yourself

From news reports, most hospitals and doctors’ offices want you to stay home if you’re sick, UNLESS you’re having difficulty breathing and/or your fever is very high.

If you do get sick, don’t panic. Most people who get the virus don’t die. Take care of yourself and do all the things you’d do if you got the flu. Drink a lot of fluids. Keep your fever down and get lots of rest so your body can heal.

If you have a compromised immune system or existing lung issues and you think you have COVID-19, communicate with your doctor so you can get the help you need.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

Curious About Mindfulness? Join Us to Learn More

We work so hard to get things done, to check them off our list(s), to be productive that we forget to notice what it’s like to live our life.

We make “doing” a priority.

Then the universe shows up and says, “What if doing isn’t enough? Wouldn’t you like to be in your life instead of do your life?”

“You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”

— Brené Brown

About 15 years ago, I got stopped in my tracks. I’d been so busy taking care of others: the kids, the animals, the house, schoolwork, the chores…. Suddenly I realized I was missing something. I felt disconnected, untethered.

I was so out of touch with what I needed and wanted that I would freeze when given a choice like “pizza or Chinese?”

Starting a mindfulness practice

That’s when I started on my journey with a mindfulness and meditation practice. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t used to sitting quietly or taking notice of my sensory experience. I can remember telling my meditation coach, “I find that I tune out. I daydream, get lost in thought. I don’t think I’m meditating right.”

I worried that I might never get it “right.”

What it’s taken me some time to recognize is that it’s the noticing—when we’re drawn away to our thoughts, feelings, daydreams— that’s what matters. When we’re noticing and coming back to our breath and our body’s sensory experience, we’re practicing mindfulness.

The continued practice has helped me gain new insight into Me. It’s helped me feel more love and connection to all of me. All. Of. Me. The shadow and the light, the imperfections and the gifts. All of me.

It’s also helped me to feel more connected to everyone around me. My kids, my husband, my family, my dog, my clients, people I encounter in daily life…Because I feel a deeper connection inside me, it shines through on the outside.

Imagine if we could all show up and be seen.

Join me on a mindfulness journey

I’m on a quest to make that happen! Come join me and women like us in the Women’s Mindfulness Circles that are starting next month!

Here’s what others have said about the Mindfulness Circles:

“Spending time with other women in a supportive, healthy environment, I realized how little I have that.”

 “A chance to meet with other [women] who are experiencing similar challenges and be accountable to the group for trying new habits and practices.”

“[I enjoyed] sharing and talking about our experiences.”

What to know more? You can find it here.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

How to Survive Seasonal Stress

Whether you’re celebrating a holiday or not, this time of year can feel really stressful. You usually see signs of Christmas everywhere you go. The music, the ads, the decorations can all feel like a little too much—or maybe a lot too much!

You might not be feeling much of the holiday spirit. This time of year can bring up painful memories and feelings of loss, loneliness and sorrow. If the holidays are difficult for you, know that you’re not alone. Although it might feel like the whole world is having a great time and you’re the only one not filled with holiday joy, know that others are struggling, too.

How mindfulness can help

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”

— Thornton Wilder, from The Woman of Andros

Mindfulness can help you get out of your head where the planning and scheduling, the sadness, the worry, and the distress all live.  Mindfulness creates more space and awareness for what’s going on right here, right now. I wrote the blog post Staying Mindful Through the Holidays a couple of years ago because I know how hard it can be when the holidays feel overwhelming.

If the holidays are hard for you, or even if you absolutely love them, take some time to feel whatever it is you’re feeling without judgment. Take some time to be kind and compassionate with yourself.

My wish is that, over the next couple of weeks, you can also find some time to relax, take care of yourself, enjoy the people you love, and find small (and big) moments of gratitude and joy. Here’s another link to the post:
https://www.progressioncounseling.com/blog/staying-mindful-through-the-holidays

My recent podcast episode, How to be Mindful this Holiday Season offers even more tips.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.

The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself This Holiday Season

Between working, preparing for the holidays, maybe taking care of family or friends and doing the everyday things that need to get done, chances are you haven’t been doing a great job of taking care of yourself.

Sometimes we’re so used to caring for others that we’re not fully aware that we’re neglecting ourselves. How do we know we’re not taking good care of ourselves? Here are a few signs that it’s time to give yourself the gift of some self-care—and some suggestions for how to do it.

1. You’re exhausted all the time.
It’s normal to feel more tired than usual during the holidays, when we’re extra busy—but if you’re having a hard time getting out of bed or staying awake throughout the day, you might be over-stressing your system.

Our body and brain need rest to reset each day. If you’re not sleeping well, try taking some time to rest. Lying down for 10-15 minutes without doing anything—even if you don’t sleep—can help your body recharge.
 

2. You hate the holiday season.
For some of us, the holiday season isn’t filled with joy and laughter. Maybe your memories of past holidays weren’t great, or maybe the idea of seeing some family members leaves you feeling stressed. Whatever the reason, it’s okay not to love this time of year, but it’s all the more reason to do things that you do enjoy! Take some time to watch a movie, listen to music, prepare a good meal, travel, hang with friends or take a walk in nature. Do things that nourish you.

If you do have to spend time with people who leave you feeling less than joyful, set some limits on how much time you need to be there. Maybe have separate transportation so you can leave when you’re ready. Maybe you stay for one day instead of a whole week. Think ahead and remind yourself that setting limits can be very healthy and good for us!

3. You frequently feel resentment, anger or frustration this time of year.
If you’re the kind of person who always puts other people’s needs ahead of your own, if you’re a people pleaser or  a constant caregiver, the holidays can bring up a lot of stuff! We can get overwhelmed easily and feel resentful and underappreciated. Life is busy enough without the holidays, so adding more to the to-do list can feel like a burden.

People pleasers and people who gravitate toward caregiving for others often have a hard time asking for help, taking time for themselves and saying “no.” But when there’s so much to do this time of year, the best way you can care for yourself is to set some realistic limits on your time and energy. Take some time to consider how you can support yourself. Don’t say “yes” right away. Pause and ask yourself if this next thing will over-stress you. Could family or friends help with whatever needs doing? 

What’s are your clues that tell you it’s time to tune in to yourself? You can give yourself so many gifts:

• Paying attention to your needs

• Taking time to rest

• Nourishing your body

• Doing the things you love

• Setting boundaries

• Asking for help when possible

You also can check out more ways to manage holiday stress on episode 83 of the podcast.

Here’s hoping your holiday is filled with whatever self-care you need!

How To Declutter Your Mind

Decluttering is all the rage. If you have Netflix, I’m sure you’re aware of the show Tidying Up With Marie Kondo. They’re promoting it like crazy! Ms. Kondo also has a book about decluttering called Spark Joy. In both she encourages you to get rid of the things in your life and your home that no longer—or maybe never did—bring you joy. 

This week on the Woman Worriers podcast I spoke with Vidyamala Burch about her book, Mindfulness For Women: Declutter Your Mind, Simplify Your Life. We talked about how by choosing to place our attention in our bodies through mindful activities, we’re choosing not to get caught up in the worry, planning and negative thoughts that clutter our minds.

Ms. Burch also shares her experience with mindfulness and why she believes it’s so important for women to bring more mindfulness in to their daily lives.

Last week on the podcast I shared three nature-based strategies to help you be more mindful in daily life.  And next week I talk with, Mari Lee, from Growth Counseling Services and The Mindfulness Academy For Addiction and Trauma Training, about why finding a therapist who’s been trained in mindfulness and trauma therapy is so important.

Mindfulness Helps Keep the Clutter in its Place

Imagine what it would be like to declutter your mind. What might you discard? Maybe you’d get rid of racing thoughts, constant worrying, ruminating, judging others, judging self, memories of all the things you might have done differently…. The list could go on and on.

What would remain? If you pay attention and focus on the present moment, what  brings you joy or a sense of awe? Sunlight shining through a window? A child’s laughter?  A favorite song or piece of music?

What helps you feel more grounded, calm or settled? Being with or petting your dog, cat or horse? A warm blanket? Your feet on the floor? When our thoughts and worries take over, we might miss all of these experiences.

Being caught up in worries and fears makes our brain think we’re under attack. It jumps into fight/flight mode. We feel anxious, and our fears and worries intensify. It’s a vicious cycle. And it’s hard to come back down.

When we practice mindfulness, we begin to notice how often we’re caught up in the clutter of our minds. Rehashing, retelling, re-worrying. Each time we find that we’re caught up in thought and worry, we can choose to shift our attention to the things that are happening right now.

Here’s a quick example:

The worry:  “Oh no. We leave for our trip tomorrow. The Weather Channel says it might rain while we’re there. Should I bring my raincoat? What if I bring it and it doesn’t rain? Then I took up all that space in my suitcase for nothing. What if it rains the whole time? That would be terrible. The trip would be such a waste of time away. Just stuck in the rain everywhere we go. I wouldn’t have any fun and I’d come home from the trip more stressed than I am now.”

Mindfulness in action: “As I notice where my thoughts have taken me, I can pause and say to myself, ‘Wow! I just recognized that I’m caught up in my worries again and it’s making me really stressed out!’ I can take a slow, deep breath right now to help me tune into my body. 

“Instead of getting caught up in the worry, I can choose to pay attention to what’s happening right now, where I am. So instead of being in my head, I can pay attention to folding this sweater for the trip. I can feel the softness of the fabric and I can see its beautiful texture. As I hold it closer to my face I can smell its clean scent.  As I move about the room gathering my stuff, I can choose to notice how tense my shoulders and back are. I can breathe into that tension and notice if it changes.

“I can remind myself that I can’t predict the future, but I’d like to be prepared, so I gather my raincoat from the closet. I notice the sounds the fabric makes as I zip the zipper and fold it to fit into my suitcase.”

A mindfulness practice can help you declutter your mind. Focusing your attention on your body and breath will help you come back from runaway thoughts and worries. Mindfulness actually helps to build new neural pathways that allow you to break the cycle of the worry—>fight/flight—>more worry. You might still worry about things you can’t control, but mindfulness helps you to recognize that you have a choice in how you respond to the worry.

Woman Worriers Mindfulness Groups

Here in Annapolis the Woman Worriers mindfulness groups will begin again this Fall.  If you live locally, or in Maryland I’ll be offering in-person and online groups. The groups are designed to support you in your new or ongoing mindfulness practice using meditation and other mindful activities. If you’d like to know more call or email me!

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

My Interview With Tamara Powell

This week I had the pleasure and honor to be interviewed by Tamara Powell about the practice and the power of self-compassion. Tamara’s amazing podcast, Sacred Psychology, uses stories and interviews to take listeners “behind the veil of psychology to a place where neuroscience and spirituality go hand in hand.”

Imposter Syndrome

Because of my podcast I interview a lot of people, and I’ve been interviewed before for other podcasts but this time I was feeling some anxiety about this interview. Imposter syndrome snuck up on me and was whispering in my ear that I wasn’t “expert enough” to talk about self-compassion.

As you know I write and talk a lot about bringing more self-compassion in to our lives. The practice has helped me be kinder to myself; it’s helped me to quiet my inner critic and reduce some of my anxiety. So the anxiety over not being “enough” gave me the opportunity to practice what I preach! I took a moment to use my self-compassion tools and I think the interview went really well!

From Tamara’s website: “We do a deep dive on self-compassion: what it looks like, what it takes, problem solving our self-talk and finding some loving truths for ourselves.” I hope you enjoy it!

You can listen to the interview here or here:

Find out More About My Journey With Self-Compassion:

Sacred Psychology show notes

Biz’s Blog- Mindful Self-Compassion: How To Be Your Own Best Friend

Woman Worriers Podcast- Elizabeth Cush on Self-Compassion

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.  

Keeping It All Together When You Feel Like You’re Falling Apart

Anxiety often intensifies when your life feels out of control. That’s why a lot of people, myself included, work hard to maintain control. We schedule, we plan, we make lists, we think, we worry…. We imagine all the bad things that might happen and all the potential solutions for when they do.

We might turn toward things that help us forget or ignore the anxiety and stress we’re feeling. For example, we turn to our phone, laptop or iPad for distraction, or stream Netflix shows we’ve already seen. Or we use substances, food or exercise to try to calm down and move the anxiety to a back burner.

All of these behaviors make us feel as though we’re managing our anxiety when we’re probably making it worse. Those behaviors are aimed at ignoring, avoiding or distancing ourselves from the stressed anxious feelings. And the energy we put into not feeling the anxiety can leave us feeling exhausted, unfocused and unmotivated.

Focusing attention on the physical sensations of stress—a racing heart, shortness of breath, chest tightness, a stomachache or headache—is another unconscious strategy for avoiding anxious feelings. We put our physical health foremost in our minds instead of the difficult feelings. Again, we are probably making our anxiety worse!

Often the source of the stress and anxiety lie beneath the surface. Even though we’re not aware of what lies in our unconscious, we know we feel uncomfortable—and we don’t like discomfort. We want it to go away!

Planning every perfect moment, until…

I’ve struggled a lot through the years when I felt like things were out of control and in this week’s episode of the Woman Worriers podcast I share my experience with managing my anxiety in the moment when things didn’t go as planned.

When I was a young mom, my anxiety centered on knowing what was next. I made lists. I’d plan lunch, dinner and the kids’ activities. I’d need to know what time we were leaving to go wherever it was we were going. I’d want to know who would be there. I think I drove my husband a little crazy! The problems came when the “plans” didn’t go as planned. Maybe a child got sick, or the car wouldn’t start or my husband got stuck at work. Suddenly I would be filled with anxiety because we couldn’t stick to the plan. My anxiety would come out as irritability or anger. I’d snap at those closest to me.

The anger and irritability were easier than the emotional pain I was feeling. I focused so much of my energy on taking care of everyone else’s needs that I often felt unseen, resentful and under-appreciated. But those feelings were buried below the surface, and I rarely expressed them to myself or anyone else.

Unfortunately all of the ways we try to put off or avoid feeling the discomfort only work in the short term, and sometimes they don’t work at all. The anxiety is usually our body’s way of telling us that it’s distressed. We continue to tell it that we don’t care, that we don’t want to hear it or see it or feel it. And so the anxiety and stress don’t go away. They keep coming back.

Facing the feelings is the way to go

What I’ve learned over the years through therapy, meditation and a mindfulness practice is that the more I avoid the anxiety, the worse I feel. That turning toward the anxiety, feeling the discomfort and identifying what’s below the surface can actually make you feel better!

I’m not saying that it’s easy, or that change happens overnight. But with effort, practice and mindful attention, we can learn to tune into our feelings and feel them when they surface. We might still have some anxiety, but as we learn to soothe ourselves in difficult moments, we can make feeling our feelings our superpower and keep anxiety in the passenger seat where it belongs.

If you struggle with starting or maintaining a mindfulness practice, and you live in the Annapolis, Md., area individual and group therapy is available to help get you started and keep you going.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

Medical Anxiety: When We Worry About What's Going On Wtih Our Bodies

Anxiety comes from many sources: old physical and emotional wounds, trauma and childhood emotional neglect, just to name a few. The feelings from these issues are often buried below the surface, and anxiety bubbles up when we feel distressed.

Other times, our anxiety stems from things that are much more tangible, like infertility, miscarriages or medical conditions that we have little control over. On the Woman Worriers podcast these last two weeks, we explored how polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and infertility can impact women’s anxiety, their health and their sense of self. These and other medical conditions can leave us feeling anxious and depressed and can cause strain in our relationships. 

We end up feeling like our bodies are the enemy because they’re not conforming to societal and biological norms. Our sense of control and well-being is disrupted when medical conditions impact how we feel about our bodies. These concerns can shake our sense of self and leave us feeling like we no longer “fit-in” or that there’s something “wrong” with us.

Suffering In Silence

Dealing with very personal medical problems is especially hard because talking about them can make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. We’re not sure how others will react. We’re not sure if we even want to share what’s happening. We end up feeling isolated and alone. This can be especially the case if, when we seek medical help, the healthcare provider isn’t able to diagnose and treat your condition right away or dismisses your symptoms. That can leave us feeling as though maybe we’re imaging the problem.

 I’ve heard stories from women whose physicians told them that their fatigue, their physical pain, or their menstrual cycles wouldn’t be a problem if they’d just loose weight, gain weight, take better care of themselves, not worry so much…. And while all of those things might cause other medical issues, these women had diagnosable conditions that were ignored or the women were blamed for the symptoms by doctors who didn’t take time to listen and look for a cause.

We’re left feeling like it’s all in our head, or our body is the problem. If it would just stop feeling so _______ (you fill in the blank) we’d be fine.

Don’t Assume It’s Your Imagination

But women are prone to get certain medical conditions that are often overlooked. Many women’s-health issues are under-researched and physicians receive little education about them. If our physician isn’t willing to dig a little deeper, we’re left to figure it out for ourselves.

Reach out for support

I can remember when my peri-menopausal symptoms began. I was convinced I had early-onset dementia. I was so forgetful and clumsy. It was hard to focus my attention on anything. I was scared, and scared to talk about it. In my worried mind, I would go over and over whether it was better to know if I had dementia and live accordingly or better to move forward in ignorance and just live my life.

I finally talked to my sister, who is older than I am, and she shared some of her friends’ experiences with menopausal symptoms. I realized the forgetfulness and clumsiness were frustrating but temporary. I was relatively young to be starting menopause, so I didn’t have friends who had gone through it. I had no idea how impactful hormonal changes could be on my mental health. If I hadn’t talked about it, I would have struggled through that time being more anxious and worried than I needed to be.

Reach Out To Resources

If you feel that your symptoms aren’t being taken seriously and there are medical issues you’re concerned about, keep pushing for better answers. Ask for help if you feel the process is causing you to feel anxious or depressed. Explore online forums, ask friends, search out non-profit organizations and mental health clinicians that can work with you.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

Mindful Self-Compassion: How To Be Your Own Best Friend

I’ve been practicing mindful self-compassion for about five years and I recently gave a presentation on the topic.  Being an introvert, I found it extremely hard to stand up in front of 500 people and share some of myself! I was nervous and a bit anxious, but I practiced a lot of self-compassion and I did it! You can see the video below.

Intensive Practice

The following week, I attended an intensive self-compassion retreat. Going into the retreat, I figured it would be a bit of a refresher for me. I’d been practicing for years. I write about self-compassion in my blog pretty often. I advocate for clients to adopt a self-compassion practice, explaining what it is and how to incorporate into their lives. In the women’s group that I facilitate, we talk about it a lot because women tend to be pretty hard on themselves. How much more could I learn?

You might wonder why I decided to spend a week away from home if the material wasn’t new to me. The presenters were Kristin Neff and Chris Germer— pretty big name in my world. They’ve pioneered the training, writing and research on self-compassion. When I learned that Kristin Neff would be stepping away from presenting for a while, I didn’t want to miss a chance to meet her, so I signed up for the retreat with two friends/colleagues.

The six-day intensive was designed for therapists and laypeople. It was filled with meditations, experiential activities, education, movement, laughter, tears, bonding with friends and lots of sharing with the other participants. I came away with a much wider perspective on self-compassion and how much more difficult it can be than I ever expected.

Self-compassion encourages us to be our own best friends with kindness and compassion when we’re suffering. And through the practice, we gain greater compassion for others’ suffering.

What Is Self-Compassion?

The practice of self-compassion has three main tenets, or principles—mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness.

Mindfulness allows us to be aware of the present moment and how we treat ourselves at any given moment. Recognition of our common humanity helps us recognize that we don’t suffer alone. Everyone has struggles because we’re human, and being a human involves experiencing emotional and physical pain from time to time. Self-kindness encourages us to be gentle with ourselves when we’re struggling— to treat ourselves with the same kindness that we would offer a friend.

I learned a lot at the retreat. Some points were new and some reinforced my ongoing self-compassion practice. What I didn’t expect was how hard it was for me to feel truly compassionate towards myself at moments throughout the week.  I found myself up against some pretty strong resistance.

Looking back, I get it! Mindful self-compassion can make us more aware of how often we haven’t been kind to ourselves. It also brings in to our awareness the times when others didn’t show us compassion when we were struggling.  

Training Highlights

Our last day together at the intensive mindful self-compassion retreat

Although I don’t have space to give a full synopsis on the training, here are the highlights that stuck with me:

• Compassion feels more deserved when I’m offering it to others than when I’m offering it to myself.

• Finding the right compassionate phrases to offer yourself is incredibly important for self-compassion to feel true.

• There are two types of compassion: the Yin, which offers more caretaking and comforting support, and the Yang, which is more fierce and protective support and motivated towards change. We need both comfort and protection when we’re suffering. Both together are a fierce, caring force!

• Using tender, compassionate touch, such as a hand on your heart or cheek, and a soothing voice helps to reinforce and internalize the compassionate messages we offer ourselves.

• Tuning in to our physical response to stress and distress helps identify where to offer ourselves soothing touch.

• The number-one block for people around the idea of self-compassion is that it will undermine motivation. But the research shows that a self-compassion practice is a better motivator than self-criticism!

• There can be a back-draft effect from self-compassion. As we offer ourselves love and compassion, we might become aware of the times when we weren’t received with compassion. We can meet that pain with a mindful compassion for what we didn’t get.

• It’s really important to have grounding skills in place and to be aware of self-care routines that help us feel nourished so we can manage when back-draft, resistance or traumatic memories show up.

• Offering ourselves loving-kindness isn’t focused on fixing the problem or trying to make us feel better but because we feel bad.

• Our critical voice often stems from the need for protection and safety. It wants to keep us from making mistakes, to keep us safe from others’ judgment, and to protect us from emotional harm.

• Our compassionate voice can actually create emotional safety.

• When we can embrace who we are with all of our imperfections and our human suffering, we are creating space for a radical acceptance.

• Difficult emotions are a part of daily life. As we practice being mindful of our emotional and physical state, we can choose how to respond to those feelings. No choice is better or worse. It just depends on where you are in that moment. We can:

  • Resist them

  • Be curious about them

  • Tolerate them

  • Allow them

  • Befriend them

• Self-compassion takes practice. The goal is not to be perfect at compassion but to be a compassionate mess!

It’s also important to know that mindful self-compassion can trigger traumas that we might not be aware of. If you decide to practice self-compassion and it feels more distressing than helpful, take some time to ground yourself, provide self-care in ways that are meaningful to you and seek professional help with a therapist for support and to explore alternative ways to keep you grounded in your practice if needed.

You can find out more here:

Elizabeth Cush on Self-Compassion

Ignite Annapolis

Self-compassion.org

Center for Mindful Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

Christopher Germer, PhD.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!