Dear You-
I know this has been a really hard few months. Living during a pandemic isn’t easy. Living in a time where it feels like everything is being politicized, including healthcare, is distressing.
Our hearts are hurting and breaking every day. Weddings and funerals postponed, loved ones struggling alone at home or in a hospital. You’re feeling lonely and missing the ease of connecting with others that you took for granted.
The seemingly everlasting stress is taking a toll on your mental and physical health—even on days where things feel somewhat “normal.” It would be hard enough if there were just one thing to worry about. But each worry has the added fear of the coronavirus lurking behind every mask, everything you touch, and each sweaty body you pass on the street. It’s making all the other stressors feel much more overwhelming.
Your body and mind are on high alert all the time. It’s like living in a home where the smoke detector is going off constantly. Yes, you might get used to the noise—or maybe not—but you are still internalizing the stress of having to hear the alarm all the time.
Sleep is interrupted, every small worry feels bigger. With each sniffle, ache and pain you worry that you’ve been infected.
Everything feels traumatic right now because it is. All the things you thought you’d healed and moved beyond have suddenly begun to burn again inside. With so much smoldering beneath the surface it’s no wonder you’ve fallen back on old patterns and habits you thought you’d broken. Then, you turned to wine, junk food, Candy Crush on your phone, or mindlessly scrolling Facebook or Instagram to get some temporary relief. And here you are, doing it again.
In the past, those methods probably brought much needed relief to very difficult feelings, so it’s no wonder they’re reemerging. But those old coping methods can make you feel bad about you — especially if you feel like you’re supposed to be past all that old stuff.
Even if you’re unhappy with yourself for how you’re dealing with stress, I invite you to remember that it’s really important to be kind to yourself -- especially now, when it feels like your foundation is burning. Even when you feel like you’re “messing up.” When you’re struggling, what if you could give yourself the loving compassion you so easily give to others?
This is actually the question I asked myself: What if I could be as nice to me as I am to my clients and loved ones. What if I could be as nice to myself as I am to just about anyone?
In my writing group we were prompted to write a letter we have been meaning to send. I realized I needed to send a letter to me. I needed it because when I wrote about falling back on old coping mechanisms, I know this firsthand.
I also know how hard it is to be kind and loving towards yourself at first. It’s so much easier to pile on the guilt and the shame—we’re really good at that. But criticizing and bullying the hurt away only makes you feel worse. And, with practice you can learn to offer yourself the love and care you might share with a beloved friend or child.
Here’s an invitation to practice this kind of self-acceptance and self-love: Write your own letter to yourself. Begin it, “Dear You,” and see where it takes you. As you write, be mindful of your inner critic and the part of you that may try to minimize your struggles and your pain.
From my own experience, the letter may start to be about everything that is wrong in 2020. Instead, what if you focused on how you’re doing right now in the face of what is most difficult in your life.
The struggle is real. This letter is only a beginning. Once you see your struggles on paper you often realize how much more there is to talk through. I’m currently seeing new clients from across the state of Maryland for online therapy sessions.
Signed-
A Fellow Woman Worrier
Here’s more on self-compassion:
Mindful Self-Compassion: How To Be Your Own Best Friend
Experiencing the Power of Self-Compassion
Elizabeth Cush on Self-Compassion
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
