Elizabeth's Blog
Find Calm in the Worry
If you’ve listened to the Woman Worriers podcast, or read some of my blogs, you know that I credit my mindfulness and meditation practice for helping me manage my anxiety, stress and feelings of overwhelm.
Before I started meditating, I was sure I’d never be able to clear my mind of worry and thoughts. Although I’d heard others talk about the benefits of meditation, I was skeptical that it would do anything for me.
I wasn’t sure I could sit quietly for very long. And then to try to clear my mind of any thoughts or worries? Forget it! But I’ve learned there’s so much more to a mindful meditation practice.
Meditation and mindfulness are not a magic pills that take the anxiety away; rather they’re practices that help you become more aware of your anxious feelings. Meditation and mindfulness can help you get to know your inner self—your more genuine self—with more clarity, and they can bring more ease into your daily life.
As I read more and listened to mindfulness and meditation teachers’ presentations, I got curious. A therapist I was seeing at the time loaned me the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn, and I was intrigued. I began exploring other resources and talking to more people about how I could get started.
My regular practice began when I purchased Self-compassion Step by Step by Kristen Neff and Meditation and Psychotherapy by Tara Brach, from Sounds True. These CDs of educational talks include meditations that you can follow along with during the teachings.
With those purchases I also received a free CD of guided meditations. It was a sample of seven or eight meditations with different teachers. I copied the CD into my iTunes and used it regularly.
By listening to the CDs, I learned that mindful meditation isn’t about clearing your mind of worries and thoughts, it’s about being aware of where your mind goes—all the time. It’s normal for our mind to wander, and we can learn how to bring our attention and focus back to an anchor, like our breath or sounds or a mantra. I like to think of it this way: Each time I bring my mind back from wherever it went, I’m teaching my brain what it feels like to live in the present moment, instead of being stuck in the worry and stress.
The courses I purchased through Sounds True taught me how to use meditation in sessions with clients because they taught me how tolerate my own difficult feelings by using self-compassion practices. I can say wholeheartedly that the work of Tara Brach and Kristen Neff have impacted my client’s lives just as their teachings have changed my relationship with myself in very meaningful ways.
At the beginning of my journey with mindfulness, I moved in and out of meditation, sometimes practicing regularly, and at other times not practicing at all. When you’re learning on your own, without a group, it can be hard. It’s so easy to get caught up in something else.
Although I don’t use the free meditations that I got from Sounds True anymore, I do practice regularly. And I notice it when I don’t. I feel as if something is missing, and y body yearns to get back to the practice. I’ve taken some amazing courses, joined meditation groups, interviewed meditation teachers and bought lots of books to help me sustain the work.
I was honored to talk with Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, on the Woman Worriers podcast. We explored what inspired her to create the platform, how her journey has helped her to find a sense of belonging in the world and the universe, and how she sees the company moving forward.
I respect and value the resources that Sounds True offers and decided recently to team up with them, so the Woman Worriers podcast is now an affiliate partner. If you use my link, a portion of the proceeds from anything you purchase will go to fund the podcast.
I love podcasting and it takes time, energy and money to continue to do it well, and to offer you a meaningful experience, with good sound and careful editing. With support from other resources, like Sounds True and Audible, I can continue to do the work I love and share it with the world!
Here’s the link to use to check out what Sounds True has to offer and to support the Woman Worriers podcast: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/#ecush
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
The beginning of each new year feels like it brings pressure to do something big, to make changes, to be different. Vision boards, resolution lists, intention setting, manifesting… We have so many options to create change. I’m sure there are more.
For the last few years I’ve made a list of new-year intentions. I wrote down things I’d like more of in my life. Last year I also participated in a Best Year Ever class, where I mapped out what I wanted to accomplish over the course of the year. That was very helpful, but I found I tried to do all the things I’d mapped out right away! Then I forgot to go back and see what was left on the list as the year progressed.
In the past, because I’m a business owner, my goals tend to sway towards work rather than personal goals. I ended up feeling overwhelmed by all the things I added to my to-do list. Although my business is very important to me, I’ve recognized this past year that my personal goals get put aside or remain undone because I minimize their importance when I’m deciding how to spend my time and energy.
“Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns...We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”
When we put more emphasis on work, or other people’s needs and we don’t honor what we need it can lead to burn-out and us feeling frustrated, exhausted, angry and resentful. Not the best way to spend the first year of a new decade!
When you’ve lived much of your life putting other’s needs first—and that can happen at work as well as at home— it can be hard to do things differently. It definitely takes a bit more effort and a lot of positive self-talk, self-compassion and self-awareness to be mindful of and meet our own needs.
Making yourself a priority can feel selfish, mean, and very uncomfortable, but it’s important. If we’re not paying attention and attending to our needs, who else is going to do it?
It’s also easy to fall back into our old behaviors when we’re stressed. They’re called patterns for a reason! We’ve been taking care of everyone else’s needs for a long time. Change takes time.
I’d love to dedicate this year to the Self, and I hope you’ll join me. Taking care of You and making You a priority doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or enormous shift. It’s small steps, like checking in with yourself a few times a day and asking, “What do I need right now?” The answer might surprise you.
Here are some other ideas to help you move into the new year with compassion and love for yourself:
·Make time to meditate each day.
Two to three minutes of mindful meditation every day can help you get to know yourself and your body in a deeper way.
Be in nature.
Connecting with the natural world helps us feel more grounded and calm. When you’re in a more grounded place it’s easier to tune into You.
Offer yourself the compassion and kindness you would give to friends.
We can change our relationship with ourselves if we can find some space for kindness.
No matter how you mark the new year, I hope you’ll take some time for you in 2020!
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Connect with your body’s wisdom
Our bodies hold so much wisdom, intuition and awareness of how we’re feeling—yet we’ve become unaccustomed to listening or paying attention to what it’s telling us. Round-the-clock access to social media, news and entertainment can keep our attention and energy focused outward, increasing our lack of connection with our body and our desire to tune out instead of tune in.
Building a connection with the internal world of your body can help you heal from trauma, childhood emotional neglect and difficult life experiences. It also helps you feel more at peace and builds compassionate acceptance of self.
Practicing mindfulness can help ground you. As you start paying attention and become more aware of your body’s sensations, you grow more used to them—and more comfortable with the feelings that bubble up.
You might begin to recognize that some of those feelings are from long ago—that you’re not actually experiencing the pain right now, you’re just remembering. The growing awareness reinforces your understanding that the sensations and feelings in your body come and go all the time. Knowing that helps us feels less stuck.
Yoga and meditation can help you connect with your body
1. Yoga: Yoga is a mindful body-based exercise. Throughout the practice you’re checking in with your body, feeling the movement, paying attention to your breath and tuning into where your body is at that moment. Yoga helps you bring attention to the different parts of your body with compassion as you move. There are lots of different types of yoga—Hatha, Iyengar, Bikram, Kundalini, Ashtanga, just to name a few—so if you try one style and don’t like it, try a different one!
2. Body scan: The body scan is a meditation that gradually brings your attention from your head to your toes. This particular mediation has been shown to help people who struggle with chronic pain, but you don’t have to be suffering to enjoy the benefits of allowing your body to be where it is at any given moment, whether it’s relaxed, numb, tense or in pain. You can find a guided body scan here.
3. Meditation: Mindful meditations bring your awareness to your breath or another anchor. Each time your mind wanders, you bring it back to the anchor. As you meditate regularly, you begin to notice that your body reacts when you get caught up in thoughts, worries or plans. Practicing meditation helps you bring your awareness back again and again to a place of non-judgment, of non-reactivity and a place of calm.
4. Mindful walking: When you walk mindfully, you tune in to your body’s movements as you travel. You can do it indoors or out. Your body becomes your focus. You might sense how the earth feels under your feet, how the breeze feels on your skin or the sun on your face. You might notice the temperature of the air, or how your arms move and your hips sway as you walk. Maybe you can even feel some gratitude for the body that carries you throughout your day without you paying much attention to it. Here’s a guided mindful walking exercise to try.
5. Somatic interventions in therapy: If you’ve experienced trauma, you might not feel safe bringing more awareness to your body. Certain forms of therapy can help you get in touch with your body in the safe space of the therapist’s office. The therapist works with you to help you feel more grounded and present in your body. You work at your own pace and explore strategies to help you soothe yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
As with all new things, take your time, explore the different options and be compassionate for where you are on this journey. You’ll begin to open a path to a better understanding of what you’re feeling at any given moment.
In this week’s episode of the Woman Worriers podcast I talk about why body awareness is so vital to creating a better connection with yourself, and I share a guided exercise to help you tune in to your body.
Next week, we dive deeper into finding connection with the body on the podcast with my guest Lynn Fraser.
For readers who live in the Baltimore/Annapolis area, mindfulness groups are now forming for March. If you’re interested, you can find out more about the groups here.
If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!
I recently read the book, The Mindful Day, Practical Way to Find Focus, Calm and Joy from Morning to Evening, by Laurie J. Cameron. In it, the leadership coach and mindfulness expert shares how to bring more mindfulness into all the different parts of your day. The book goes through each part of your day, from waking up to easing into sleep, and each chapter gives specific, practical strategies to help you incorporate more mindfulness into your daily life at home and at work.
Cameron shares how mindfulness can help you find your purpose, bring more focus to work and daily tasks and feel more grounded and peaceful throughout your day.
Each chapter focuses on one mindful activity, explaining the activity and why it’s helpful. At the end of each chapter, Cameron gives you step-by-step guidance on how to bring the activity into your life.
Cameron encourages daily meditation, and I’m a BIG proponent of meditation for managing anxiety and minimizing reactivity. After reading The Mindful Day, I started meditating first thing in the morning, before I get out of bed. It’s allowed me to start my day with more intention and focus.
“With repeated mental exercises, you gradually condition your mind to tap into joy more often than fear. Inclining the mind means to condition yourself so that your mindsets shift from being judgmental, anxious or uncomfortable to receptive, appreciative, and compassionate.”
I found the chapter on identifying and defining your purpose to be particularly helpful and meaningful for me. Cameron leads you through some questions to help you define purpose for your life.
“When big decisions come up, your purpose is your internal compass, and mindfulness is the mechanism that helps you check in with your emotions, thoughts, and feelings about those questions.”
I enjoyed the book so much that I invited Cameron to be a guest on the Woman Worriers podcast. You can listen to our conversation here, and find out more about Cameron and her book here.
On another note, I was quoted in an article on Bustle, 9 Counterintuitive Ways To Stop Anxiety In Its Tracks, According To Psychologists by Eva Taylor Grant. The article shares strategies that might not be the first things that come to mind when you’re trying to manage your anxiety. I explain how tuning into your anxiety and allowing it to be there might feel like a bad idea, but it’s really the best thing you can do. Mindfulness can help you tune in and tolerate the discomfort. If you want to find out more, you can read the article here.
“Most of the time people want to avoid feeling uncomfortable, but the discomfort is our body telling us it’s time to pay attention.”
If you would like to bring more mindfulness into your daily life I would recommend reading The Mindful Day.
Also, if you’re local to the Annapolis, Md., area, my Women’s Mindfulness Groups will incorporate some of The Mindful Day’s strategies into our sessions. You can find out more here, and tune into my Facebook live videos for weekly mindfulness tips that help you bring mindfulness into your life.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Photo by Lina Trochez & Daniel Monteiro on Unsplash
Meditation and mindfulness can ease anxiety
If you’ve read my blogs or listened to my podcast, you know that I’ve struggled with anxiety throughout my life. I also share that my mindfulness practice, including meditation, has made a huge difference in how I feel and how I view my anxiety. I went from hating my anxiety and avoiding it to learning to appreciate it as my body’s signal that something doesn’t feel right.
Turning toward, instead of away from, the anxiety opens up space to allow the feelings to come and go. Feeling the feelings without judgment allows your body to understand that the situation you’re worrying over isn’t life or death — that it’s not going to last forever. It’s just a worry you’re struggling with right now. That non-judgmental awareness gives you the space to be more present in the moment for whatever is happening right here, right now.
“In the end, just three things matter:
How well we have lived
How well we have loved
How well we have learned to let go”
Mindfulness can help you learn to live with and allow difficult uncomfortable feelings. It brings a greater awareness of self, and that helps you feel connected to yourself and to others.
So how do we bring more mindfulness into our daily lives? Here are three tips to get you started:
If you’ve never meditated before, this can be a challenge so start small — five minutes a day. If you’d like help getting started, you can request FREE Get Started Meditating Guide and find some guided meditations here .
The goal of mindful meditation isn’t to clear your mind of all thoughts. The goal is to notice each time your mind wanders and bring your attention back to an anchor of your choosing — your breath, a sound, a sensation or something else.
““If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.””
What is single-tasking? It’s the opposite of multi-tasking! Pay attention to your five senses while performing a single task. You can choose any daily activity you usually do without thinking — like brushing your teeth, washing dishes, driving your car, walking your dog…. You get the idea.
Instead of tuning out or being inside your head or on your phone, bring a mindful attention to the activity. What do you see? What colors, shapes, objects? What can you feel? Do you feel water running on your hands, the ground under your feet, the toothbrush on your gums? What are the smells? Does the soap have a scent, or do you smell flowers blooming? What noises and sounds do you hear? What do you taste? Each time your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your senses and the task you chose.
“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”
As you begin meditating and being more mindful, you might begin to notice that feelings arise, sometimes without warning. When we’re more in tune with our bodies and ourselves, our feelings become more present. As you notice discomfort or joy, take some time to pause. Feel what you’re feeling. See if you can name what the feeling is, without judgment. Say the name of feeling aloud or to yourself, and see if the word resonates with you. If not, try to pick a different word that might describe what you’re feeling. If you find yourself judging yourself about how you feel, remind yourself, “All feelings are welcome.”
“One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious, and the same may be said of guilt.”
If you’ve been meaning to start a mindfulness practice but keep putting it off, consider participating in a mindfulness group. Groups forming now will start in the fall. I will be holding Facebook Live events in August with weekly mindfulness tips to help you get you started. You can follow me on Facebook for more information on the live events.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Photo by Antonika Chanel on Unsplash
My specialty is working with women who have anxiety. But anxiety isn’t just a woman’s issue. Men and women both experience anxiety. The good news is that most anxiety management strategies are gender neutral, meaning anyone can use them! Managing anxiety often starts with good self-care, because if you’re not taking care of your most basic needs, your anxiety isn’t going anywhere.
Regular exercise can help with anxiety
Exercise: Exercise is different for everyone. Some of my clients have physical limitations that prevent them from doing strenuous exercise, and some are able to work out intensely every day. I encourage you to do what you can, and do it regularly. That means at least three times a week. Why? Because our bodies want to be used physically. They are hardwired that way. When you exercise regularly, your body releases endorphins, the chemicals that make you feel good naturally.
Nutrition: Our bodies need nutrition, so it’s important to pay attention to what you eat. A balanced diet also balances your body and your mind.
Sleep: Get a good night’s sleep. I can’t say enough about how important sleep is for overall good health, and mental health especially. Research suggests that seven to nine hours of sleep a night is a basic requirement for most adults. Without enough sleep, your body and mind don’t have a chance to “reset.” So if you’re extremely stressed when you fall asleep and you only sleep for a few hours, it’s likely you’re waking up stressed. A good night’s sleep gives your body a chance to recharge and relax. If you need some tips on improving your quality of sleep, check out the National Sleep Foundation.
Day to day, you can do several things to help you keep your stress and anxiety at manageable levels. Here a just a few to get you started:
Constantly searching the Internet can increase anxiety
Stop Googling. If you’re a worrier, chances are you check Google (or another search engine) a lot. Maybe you check out a disease symptoms, or plane accident statistics, or mental health issues. Unfortunately, searching for and finding answers that might confirm your worst suspicions only reinforces your anxiety. It tells your anxious brain that you were right to worry. It might even give you things to worry about that you weren’t aware of before your search. So when you get the urge to Google, put the phone down, walk away from the computer, take a walk, or take some slow deep breaths and allow that maybe it’s OK not to know this time.
Meditate. Your breath is a cheap, easy way to help you manage stress and anxiety. You can use your breath as an anchor in meditation, or use structured deep breathing methods. Either way, your breath is helpful in easing anxiety. Some other great benefits of meditating, according to this article in Healthline, include: stress reduction, promotion of emotional health, enhanced self-awareness, pain management, blood pressure regulation, increased focus, increased positive feelings toward self and others, controlling addictive behaviors.
Move. Anxiety often makes you feels stuck. That’s because when anxiety shows up, you can get caught in the freeze response. You feel powerless or frozen, which adds to your anxiety. I encourage physical movement when you’re feeling stuck. Walking mindfully, moving your arms across your body or swaying can help to activate the part of your brain that helps you feel unstuck.
I hope these strategies were helpful for you! I've launched a podcast soon called “Woman Worriers,” where I share more strategies on managing anxiety, but I'm also diving deep into why women are twice as likely as men to experience anxiety. I explore the psychological, biological, social and cultural issues that contribute to women's anxiety. I also share many strategies for anxiety management, like mindfulness, grounding techniques, meditation and other interventions that you can use to help stop fighting against your anxiety and call a truce in the battle.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
Photo by Justyn Warner & Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Making intentions for the New Year
Last year I decided that instead of making New Year’s resolutions, which I rarely fulfilled, I would make New Year’s intentions. The idea was to focus on the things in my life that mattered to me on a more personal level. I was thinking that I would be more likely to use the intentions as a guide toward a more fulfilled life, rather than resolutions I would feel guilty about if I didn’t heed.
I was surprised when I looked back at last year’s post. I had followed through with every one of my intentions! What surprised me most was that I wasn’t constantly looking at my intentions to measure my success. A couple, like going on a retreat and taking more time away from work, felt a little outside my comfort zone, so they were on my mind more over the course of the year, but overall, my intentions fell into place naturally.
Did I hit each and every intention on the mark and cross it off my list? No! But I did move toward them. The intentions are things that truly matter to me, so I will continue to strive to bring them into my life in meaningful ways.
I’m not writing this post to boast. Instead, I want to reinforce that creating purposeful intentions in your life, whether they’re about personal or professional things, can help you live your life with more fulfillment and contentment. That said, here are my 2018 intentions for the New Year. Following up and expanding on my last years’ intentions I hope to:
Connecting with horses is a healing magical experience.
This fall, I joined some colleagues on an Equine-Assisted Daring Way retreat hosted by Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, and Charlotte Hiler Easley, LCSW. It was a magical, healing experience. Until then, I hadn’t spent much time around horses, but after this day-long retreat with two beautiful horses, I was hooked. Feeling so connected to a huge animal I’d met for the first time, and being able to share the experience with like-minded people, opened up something deep inside me. It made me feel more connected to the universe in a way I hadn’t felt before.
Setting aside time for your own personal growth, whether it’s going on a retreat or reading a self-help book, can be a powerful, self-affirming experience. I highly recommend it.
I was able to take a few trips to travel to see family and friends and to spend time with my husband and kids this year. It required that I take time away from work, which isn’t always easy to do.
Taking time away from work, even just a long weekend, can make the work so much easier to come back to. You’ll come back refreshed and fulfilled with more brain space available so you can be creative and more present at work and at home.
This past year I meditated much more regularly than I have in the past. I find that when I do, I’m better able to be mindful, to pause before reacting and to be fully present with my clients and the people in my life.
Meditation takes an effort, and it’s easy to stop meditating when things in your life get busy or stressful — but that’s when it’s most effective! A regular meditation practice helps you be more aware of the times when you’re stressed so you can manage it more effectively in the moment.
I’ve also begun to recognize other areas of my life that I’d like to be more intentional about going into 2018. Here are a few:
It’s easy to put off addressing your health issues or to put your physical well-being at the bottom of your priorities list — but if you don’t attend to your physical health, or it gets off track, it affects you both physically and mentally.
Here are the ways I hope to bring my physical health to the top of my list:
Practice Yoga. Now that I’m approaching 60 (!), I want to get back to doing yoga for body strength and flexibility in the New Year. By bringing your attention to your body, yoga promotes mindfulness, and the movement is healing in many ways.
Get a physical check up. I haven’t had a physical in years! It’s so easy to put off taking care of yourself, but I know that attending to my physical well-being is taking care of Me. By making self-care an intention for the New Year, I’m telling myself that I care about Me.
Pay more attention to what I consume. It’s easy to eat and drink without paying much attention, and that can lead to over-eating and drinking! Going into the New Year, I intend to be more mindful of what I put into my body.
Feeling more connected with yourself creates more connection with others.
It’s easy to assume that the people in your life know exactly how you feel and what you’re thinking. Maybe you assume that you know how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking, too. The reality is, unless you express how you’re feeling, the people around you are making assumptions about you, too.
My intention is to pay closer to attention to how I’m feeling and share my feelings with people who matter to me. When you affirm your feelings to yourself or with the people you care about, you can be more present and feel more connected.
Getting trapped in old patterns or doing things the way you always have can leave you feeling stuck, bored and uninspired. Shaking things up by trying new activities, going new places and putting yourself out there in new ways can help keep things interesting. I intend to explore new areas in my business and in my personal life. By stepping out of my comfort zone and doing new things, I hope to bring more life into my life!
If you’d like to create an intention list for yourself but you’re not sure how, here are a few pointers:
Think about what matters most to you. What do you value? Is it love, connection, family, work…, something else?
Using the things you value most, ask yourself if some values aren’t as much a part of your life as you’d like them to be.
Then try to create a statement that that brings together the things you value and what’s missing, “My intention for the New Year is to spend more time ________ (you fill in the blank).
Lastly I want you to write down your intentions. Having them in writing keeps them front and forward in your mind as you enter the New Year.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979.
New groups are forming now!
Photo by NordWood Themes & Kenny Webster & Joseph Pearson on Unsplash
This week Daniela Paolone guest blogs about using mindfulness when things in the world are feeling unsettled and uncertain. She is the owner of Westlake Village Counseling and she helps those with anxiety, chronic pain, chronic illness, and medical trauma find new ways of coping so that they can live their best lives. Daniela uses an integrative and holistic approach that helps clients feel both empowered and informed. The approaches used are influenced by her experience as a person living with chronic pain and illness. You can read more about her practice, and how to follow her on social media at the end of the blog.
There has been so much going on in our world lately that it can leave us feeling worried and uncertain. We may find it hard right now to stay focused on our day-to-day tasks because we keep getting flooded with new information regarding world events.
Perhaps in these moments we need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel. Giving ourselves permission to express our emotions can help us to better cope and move onto a path of healing and recovery.
Bring attention to one activity
During hard times, thoughts and concerns can show up in a person’s mind that can be overwhelming. However, when bringing attention to only one concern, the mind and body redirect their attention to that single thought. When this happens, the mind and body begin to slow down and become more calm.
The advantages of mindfulness practices is that they can allow us to gain greater self-awareness and focus on what matters most. Putting these thoughts into perspective helps to quiet down all the noise and distractions. This then can lead to experiencing life with less overwhelm and distress.
Feeling the need to stay up-to-date on world events can oftentimes leave us feeling stressed. The constant information overload tends to turn on our stress response which then can be difficult to turn off.
If that has been your experience, please know you are not alone. The truth is, is that the brain is designed to only handle so much information at a time. When that time goes on indefinitely, the mind becomes overstimulated. It can also be difficult for the mind to get back into a relaxed state even after you have stopped watching the news.
Take time away from the news and social media
So if you reduce the amount spent with these activities, you may notice a shift in how you feel. Do you observe a change in your breathing? Do your thoughts become more clear? Are you feeling more grounded and present in your current surroundings? Is it easier now to stay on task?
Breathwork is another way to cope when feeling overwhelmed by current events. When there is significant loss and devastation happening in the world, it is easy to feel powerless. However a breathing practice is another way where we can work towards feeling more calm and in control.
With a regular breathwork practice, the mind and body are learning how to slow down and both mentally and physically. This is because you are directing your attention to the breath. Moving from a state of trying to multitask, to instead focusing on one action, is what mindfulness is all about.
Breathwork serves as a great mindfulness practice because it reminds us about what we can control. This can be such a welcome experience when we are going through difficult times. Sometimes we need the reminder that there are aspects within us that we do have a say in. Aspects such as how we are breathing, where we are sitting, and what activity we are taking part in.
There are a variety of breathing exercises, but the one I am sharing here is one that really seems to resonate with others. This exercise combines breathing techniques with visualizations. So below, I put together a sample of a mindfulness script that I use both personally and with clients.
When in a seated position, I want you to have your feet planted firmly on the ground and your hands resting comfortably on your lap. As you get comfortable in this seated position, you make small adjustments in your body to make sure you feel comfortable and well supported. Once you find that comfortable position, you gently close your eyes and start practicing deep belly breathing.
As you inhale, you breathe in through your nose, and on the exhale, you open your mouth into a relaxed position and let the air go freely. When on the inhale, you visualize your belly expanding out like a balloon, and on the exhale, that balloon becomes smaller. As you continue to breathe in and out, you find a comfortable pace for each inhale in and exhale out. With each breath, you start to feel your muscles relax because more and more oxygen is getting into you muscles. You feel your body settle in more deeply and you continue to relax.
When you feel ready, you add in a thought on the inhale that you are breathing in calm, healing energy. On the exhale, you visualize that you are breathing out your worries and concerns. The more and more you breathe in and out, you continue to feel those worries leave your body. You begin to notice how you feel within, and observe it with curiosity. Your mind and body are also taking in all the healing and calming energy with every inhale, leaving you with the sensation of inner calm and peace.
You continue this breathing for a few more minutes in silence, and when you feel ready, begin to wiggle your toes and fingers. Slowly open your eyes and look around the room, taking in what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste. You are getting your mind and body back to where you are now. You may feel like getting up and walking around to take note of what you see and hear. Stretching and moving your body help you to orient yourself to where you are now. Once you feel connected and present with the here and now, you notice how you feel physically. You may feel more relaxed while also feeling energized and refreshed to continue on with your day.
While what is happening in the world may bring up feelings of instability and concern, there will always be aspects of life that remind us that we do know how to manage these worries so that they do not get the best of us. In the end, we get to have a say in many aspects of life. How we set that up each day and implement it can make a big impact in how we feel each and every day. We have the ability to reign in the distress by using mindfulness practices so that we can live our life on our own terms. Small changes can lead to bigger shifts for the better to keep you grounded when upsetting world events takes place.
Daniela utilizes mindfulness based techniques, such as Emotional Freedom Technique, guided imagery and more. She helps them develop a new relationship with themselves. As the body changes over time due to illness, which can be a difficult transition, Daniela honors where the client is in this process and helps them to become more in-tune with their body. She explores their emotions as different thoughts come to the surface.
Daniela provides in-person and online counseling for California residents looking for more support. You can find her offering free presentations in Southern California where she talks about pain management, the stress and pain connection, alternative techniques for improved sleep and more. To find out where she is presenting next, or to learn more about her work and offerings, you can sign up for her monthly email newsletter here.
Daniela can be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn and Instagram
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-340-8469.
New Mindfulness Groups beginning in January, 2018. Email me if you'd like to know more!
Photos by Cassie Boca and Annie Spratt and Aubin A Sadiki on Unsplash
Meditation is one part of a daily mindfulness practice
Meditation and mindful awareness are two components of a mindfulness practice. Both are equally important. Meditation helps you learn how to focus your mind, which in turn helps you focus your attention on the world around you in the moment. Mindful awareness, or focusing your attention on the present moment, can be as simple as paying attention to an activity you do mindlessly everyday, like brushing your teeth.
Because we’re so used to just doing, without thinking, each part of a mindfulness practice really does take practice. We’re so used to going about our day with our mind running in a million different directions that bringing it back to the here and now can seem difficult. For some it can be frustrating, because it doesn’t always come easily.
Learning to focus your attention is where daily meditation can help. Meditation is sitting quietly and focusing on an anchor. An anchor can be your breath, a mantra or something else you choose to bring your attention back to each time it wanders. And it will wander, because we’re human and we’re wired to be thinking, planning and worrying beings. Each time you bring your attention back to your anchor, you’re being mindful! It’s that easy — or not!
A key component of meditation is being compassionate and non-judgmental with yourself. Some days it might come easily; other days, when you’ve got a lot on your min or you’re easily distracted, it can be harder. What’s important is to enter into the meditation with the intention of being mindfully centered and try not to give yourself a hard time if it feels difficult. You can even say to yourself, “My intention was to meditate mindfully for 10 minutes today. It was very hard for me because my mind was all over the place. My intention is to try it again tomorrow.”
Meditation can be guided or you can guide yourself. I think that when you begin a mindful meditation practice, it’s much easier to have some gentle guidance. A bunch of apps for you phone, websites with free meditations and YouTube videos are available to help you get started. I’ve listed a few resources at the bottom of this post.
Make meditation a part of your daily routine
When talking with my clients, I suggest picking a time of day when you won’t be disturbed and finding a place where you can sit quietly. I like to meditate in the morning when I’m at home by myself, or when I’m between clients in my office. To start, try meditating once a day for 3–5 minutes. It’s important to do it everyday, but if you forget, be compassionate with yourself and do it tomorrow.
Once you’ve established a routine, begin increasing the amount of time that you meditate. Ideally doing it for at least 10 minutes a day is a good goal. You’ll probably begin to notice that your thoughts automatically come and go, and it gets easier to come back to your anchor and to be less reactive about the thoughts that do pop up. That’s because you’re learning to let your thoughts pass through, instead of latching on to them.
I find that when I take the time to meditate before I start my day, I can approach the day with greater sense of ease and intention. Do I still get stressed out? Of course! But I know that the stress will pass too, much like my thoughts. Meditation allows me to feel stress, but I don’t have to be stressed. If I don’t overly identify with the feeling, then I can acknowledge its presence without it pulling me under.
Do you meditate, or have your tried it? I’d love to know your experience in the comments. If you don’t meditate but would like to start and think having a group to support you would be helpful, I have an eight-week group, beginning later this month, where we will practice meditation and mindful awareness together. You can find out more here.
In my next post, I’ll talk about mindful awareness and how to bring more of it into your life.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-340-8469.
You can also find me on Twitter, Facebook and Linked In
Photo by Natalia Figueredo and by Ben Blennerhassett on Unsplash
I recently posted about the impact that childhood emotional neglect and abuse can have when you’re an adult: Intentional and unintentional trauma and abuse can leave you feeling that some part of you will never feel truly connected to others — that maybe you’re just different in some way. Dr. Jonice Webb calls it the fatal flaw. I also posted my own story, A Story of Survival and Healing: A Therapists Story into Seeing and Being Seen, sharing how trauma impacted me as a person and as a therapist.
Reconnecting with yourself can ease anxiety
Feeling different or apart can make it hard to feel connected from the people in your life you care most about. Or it can make it hard to form new connections. It can leave you feeling anxious because you don’t feel like you’re showing up as your “true self.” But what keeps that distance between you and others isn’t a fatal flaw that can never be healed.
If you’ve felt disconnected from others, there’s a good chance you were never taught how to manage or regulate your feelings when you were growing up. Maybe difficult feelings like anger, fear or sorrow weren’t validated, or you were punished or shunned for expressing them.
When you’re taught that feeling and expressing our emotions isn’t safe, and you didn’t have people in your life who modeled how to manage emotions, it’s really hard to figure out these skills by yourself. You become uncomfortable when strong emotions surface, so you push them down, avoid and ignore them. Avoiding the difficult emotions creates a disconnection from yourself because you don’t know how you’re feeling in the moment. Anxiety creeps or jumps in, because your body understands that you’re feeling discomfort and it wants to alert you to any potential danger.
You might feel numb, unable to describe how you feel, or you might find it hard to identify the more subtle emotions. As a result, you use very basic language when describing your feelings:
Those few phrases barely scratch the surface. There are so many ways to describe our different emotional states. Here’s a list of words you can use to better illustrate how you feel. Just to give you an idea of the diverse language of emotion, here are 10 words to express sadness to help you get to the core of what you’re experiencing:
In order to feel connected to others, you have to be able to connect with yourself first, because when you don’t know how you’re feeling it can be hard to understand how others are feeling. So the first step is to get back in touch with those feelings that you have avoided, pushed down and ignored.
Meditate. Meditation allows you to calm your mind and understand your body’s reaction to stress.
Practice mindfulness. Being more present in the moment gives you a greater understanding of your body, your thoughts and your feelings. Pausing and being mindful when you’re stressed and anxious can help you understand your feelings as they’re happening. And when you know what’s bubbling up, you can better soothe yourself.
Journal your emotions. Use the list of emotions try to identify exactly what you’re feeling. When you can name an emotion with authenticity, you might feel your body relax, because you’re allowing yourself to see it and feel it.
Get in touch with the “felt sense.” Try the exercise below to help you better understand what your body is telling you about how you feel. It helps you get in touch with the felt sense and honor what your body has to tell you.
Offer yourself some compassion. When you’re struggling or you feel like you’re “less than” or flawed, you might blame yourself or feel ashamed. Maybe you’re very critical of the mistakes you make or maybe you get caught up in the things you should have done or said. Offering yourself compassion can calm and soothe you in times of stress.
Share your story with a counselor. Finding a therapist who specializes in trauma and attachment, and childhood emotional abuse can help you feel understood and seen. Therapy can help you learn how to reconnect with yourself in meaningful ways.
Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.
Photo courtesy of Samuel Dixon for Unsplash.
Therapy can be a fascinating process. Some people compare it to peeling an onion. Each layer offers new insights and understanding. Case in point — many of my clients come to me because they want to learn how to manage their stress and anxiety more effectively. As therapy progresses it becomes evident that they’re not just stressed about what’s going on in their lives today. What triggers their anxiety are deeply rooted negative thoughts and feelings they have about themselves. These thoughts often determine the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Some of the deeply held negative beliefs that my clients have shared in sessions include:
My clients are often surprised to learn that their situation is not unique. I’m not saying that each individual isn’t unique, but I have many clients who hold similar beliefs about themselves, because of their past experiences.
Uncovering these beliefs often takes time because they’re unconscious, barely showing themselves when your anxiety starts to ramp up. As our work together progresses, trust begins to grow, and the deeper work begins. Sharing stories and impressions of past experiences in therapy can open the door to recognizing the messages you received growing up. Often, what I call the critical inner voice (or Negative Nelly), originates from experiences we had in those early years.
Because these messages are so painful and difficult to process, they’re often pushed down below the surface and bubble up through negative self-talk. That inner critic’s message can lead to anxious or depressed feelings. Therapy helps by bringing those negative messages to light. You can determine where they stem from, what drives them, and whether they are legitimate.
If you were emotionally, sexually or physically abused in childhood and that trauma wasn’t resolved or validated, it can leave you feeling inadequate or “less than” when you’re struggling. The same can be true if you were told to buck-up, to get over it, never show to when you’re hurt. These events and messages can also lead to being disconnected from your physical and emotional experience in adulthood, which makes it hard to know how you’re feeling. This can leave you uneasy or numb.
Mindfulness and meditation can help make you more aware of your negative thoughts and allow you to be more comfortable with your difficult feelings. Finding and practicing self-compassion also plays an important role in letting go of the negative self-talk that comes so easily when we make mistakes, or we embarrass ourselves through our actions or statements. Self-compassion acknowledges that we’re human and often make mistakes and that, although we all suffer, this too will pass. It also creates a space to offer yourself some support and comfort.
If you’re suffering from trauma-related anxiety or depression, and it feels overwhelming, therapy can help. It’s important to find a therapist you feel comfortable sharing with and opening up to. You want someone who you feel will understand, empathize and support you in your journey forward. If you struggle with anxiety or depression that might be related to past trauma, please call me at 410-340-8469 to begin the journey to healing.
Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.
Photos courtesy of Joshua Earle and Ashley Batz for Unsplash.com
I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. They always feel like a “should” list: I should exercise more; I should eat healthier; I should be a better friend, partner, parent or daughter. Later, I usually wind up feeling guilty about my resolutions, because I don’t follow-through with them. The guilty feelings can then easily turn into anxiety and stress.
This year, instead of making resolutions, I’d like to focus on the things I’d like to grow and sustain in my life. Here are my thoughts on ways to make my New Year more fulfilling:
I recently had lunch with a colleague and friend. She had encouraged me when I went back to school, told me to apply for a job I didn’t think I was qualified for (but which I got), and gave me support and guidance when I decided to create my own therapy business. We hadn’t seen each other since the summer and it felt so great to connect again with her. In that moment I made myself a promise, and I shared that promise with her: “I will make an effort to spend time with the people in my life whom I care about but don’t see often enough.”
I love my job and my clients, but taking time away from work recharges me. It makes me appreciate the work I do that much more. Taking time off also gives me the opportunity to travel, and I love traveling!
I LOVE MY KIDS, and now that they’re grown and living in other states, I don’t see them enough. This year I’m going to make the effort to phone, email and see them more often.
Meditation has been a real asset for me. It calms me when I’m feelings stressed and anxious, it grounds me when my worries are in overdrive, and it creates a space for me to be in touch with myself and my feelings. In 2017 I want to make meditation a part of each day. I also want to go to a retreat to meet people who share my interest.
Therapists need therapy too! My therapist supports, listens, guides and provides the healing space for me to process the difficult experiences that I’ve struggled with in my life. I encourage everyone to be in therapy (and not just because I’m a therapist)!
Creating art and writing can be very grounding. Once upon a time I journaled regularly and I created artwork. I’ve been journaling again sporadically and feeling the pull to paint, so I’m going to try it! I’m not sure if I’ll take a class or jump right in, but just thinking about it makes me smile.
I would love to know what you’d like to focus on in 2017. Send me an email or leave a comment below!
Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.
We recently lost our family dog from illness. He was old but his death was unexpected and sudden. I was not ready. It seemed as though he was OK one day, and then it was time for him to go. We had him for almost 14 years, and he was truly a part of the family. His sudden death got me thinking about illness and loss on a bigger level. When a loved one gets sick or dies, the mix of emotions can be overwhelming and scary—especially when things happen unexpectedly. We no longer feel in control of our environment, which can cause anxiety and stress.
When my dog first showed signs of illness and things were not looking hopeful I had trouble sitting with that pain. I found things to do that took me out of my head. I went to the store; I cleaned and straightened—anything to distract myself from the overwhelming, uncomfortable mix of feelings. Although I knew my dog was not getting better, it was hard to accept that he would die.
As I was working so hard to avoid the uncomfortable, I realized that the feelings were not going anywhere and that maybe I would feel better if I paid mindful attention to them. As crazy as that sounds, research has shown that leaning in to our emotions or feelings can actually relieve some of the anxiety and stress that they generate.
You can find many ways to get in touch with how you are feeling. I like to sit in a quiet place and meditate on the feelings that arise. With meditation, you can acknowledge the difficult emotions without holding on to them or allowing them to define you. Meditation allowed me to acknowledge my mix of emotions and process the fact that our dog’s time was over.
Mindfulness helps when overwhelmed by anxiety
Remember, feelings aren’t good or bad, and they don’t define who we are. They're just feelings.
For some people, identifying or getting in touch with your feelings is very hard to do. Being numb, or being disconnected from your feelings is not uncommon, especially if you have experienced trauma or childhood emotional neglect (CEN). If you have a lot of trouble naming your feelings you might need assistance to access, name and experience them. If you would like help with this process please contact me.
Elizabeth Cush, MA, LCPC, is an Annapolis therapist helping people manage their stress and anxiety. Progression Counseling, offices in Arnold and Annapolis. 410-340-8469
Tired of anxiety and stress ruling your life? Are you ready to live with more ease and purpose? Start with your free Worried Woman’s Guide to Meditation here.
We’ll also let you know about the newest Awaken Your Wise Woman podcast episodes and Elizabeth’s Blog posts, delivered right to your inbox. Just fill out the form and you’re in!
