Explore Your Inner World Through Journaling

Do you journal? Journaling is the practice of writing down whatever is in your head. You can journal daily, weekly, or whenever you feel the urge.  A journal can be a place to offload and explore your worries and stress. A place to navigate your inner landscape, a place to record your daily activities, your artwork, special events…You can make your journaling practice as unique as you are. I often recommend the practice to my clients as a way to relieve stress, but some have told me that it can be hard to know what to write. It doesn’t have to be that way.

My own journaling journey

I’ve had an off-and-on relationship with journaling. At times in my life I journaled every day; other times it was more sporadic or not at all. Recently, I came across a bunch of my old journals in a box in my basement. Some of them date back to middle school! That was more than 40 years ago.

There’s something comforting about knowing that my experiences are logged into notebooks that I can go back to anytime. And research shows that journaling improves our mental and physical well-being and our cognitive abilities. 

I’ve come back to my journal this year. I was doing it occasionally, and when the pandemic struck, I took up nightly journaling to process my stress and anxieties before going to bed. I’ve enjoyed coming back to the daily ritual, and it calms my mind before sleep during these unsettling times.

Journaling in the digital age

These days you can find apps and online platforms that make journaling easier than ever.

A few weeks ago, the founder of the online journaling platform Upfinch contacted me. They were interested in collaborating, and we set up a phone call to talk about the possibilities. They shared their mission with me, and I was impressed:

If we don’t take time to consciously reflect on our lives, it will never occur. Instead of floating to the next temporary island of comfort, we should be clearly defining what we want and how to get there.

Their journaling prompts get you thinking about yourself and your goals, and they offer prompts to increase positive mental health. Within each category, their templates give you the space to describe your thoughts, stresses and worries.  The prompts at Upfinch help you explore and gain a better understanding of yourself. They then take it a step further and prompt you to explore the ideas that can help you move forward.

The founders of Upfinch asked me to collaborate on the templates for anxious feelings and thoughts, and I’m honored to have my suggestions included on their platform!

I’m excited about this collaboration and happy to share that Upfinch is sponsoring the Woman Worriers podcast for the month of January. When you subscribe to the Upfinch platform, the first month is free, and they’re offering Woman Worriers podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers a 15-percent discount off their monthly subscription when you enter the coupon code “WORRIERS” at check-out!

>> You can find the guides here.

Sign up Here!

>> And sign up for your 15% discount here.

The journals are private and never accessed by humans or software.

Give journaling a try!

People have shared with me that not knowing what to journal about stops them from starting.  What stops you from journaling? Maybe 2021 is the year to get started or try a new way to do it.

Through journaling, let’s enter the New Year with new insights and more positive intentions!

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

Finding Joy During the Holidays and Throughout the Winter

We humans tend to see and remember the negative more than the positive. Researchers call it “negative bias.” We recall more bad memories than good ones. When we worry about the future or past, it’s the negative stuff that comes to mind.

Negativity comes naturally

Our negative bias is perfectly normal if you consider how it came about. Our ancestors needed to survive living in the wild, so their brains were always scanning the environment for danger. If they hadn’t, they would have been be eaten by a lion or tiger, so it was useful to be looking for all the possible bad stuff. But we no longer have wild animals stalking us, so our brains find other things—everyday things—to see as dangerous.

Our worries are usually about things we can’t control: Not getting enough “Likes” on social media,” not being invited to the neighbor’s holiday party, or what others think about our clothes, or haircut, or how we behaved.

But worrying about the bad all the time can color how we see and experience what’s happening right now, too. If we’re stuck in negative thinking, we might not notice an opportunity to get a hug, or the array of colors when the sun sets, or the breeze on our face, or the smell or the earth after a rainstorm, or the warmth of our home after we’ve been outside in the cold.

Shifting to a positive perspective

The amazing thing is we can intentionally bring in the positives of everyday life. Doing so can shift our mood. We can go from being depressed or grumpy to feeling hopeful or upbeat. The more we focus on what’s good and joyful, the more our overall outlook on life begins to shift.

Now, I’m no Pollyanna. I know that things are particularly hard right now with COVID still running rampant and the dark cold days of winter upon us, and with social justice struggles continuing throughout the world, I also know there are still good things that we can shift our attention to when while still acknowledging the negative things that are going on.

The key to this practice is practice! Because we’re so hardwired to gravitate towards possible negative outcomes and memories, we need to consciously bring in the positive, notice the joy and remember good results and experiences.

Here are five suggestions to bring more hope, more joy and positive feelings into your life:

Notice the worrying. Each time you find yourself focusing on your worries, take a moment to pause. You can say to yourself, “I was stuck in the bad and now I’m going to notice something good.”  Then bring your attention to small accomplishments you’ve had that day, or good memories. The idea is to come up with at least one positive thing.

Bring in more joy. Take time in your day to notice what inspires you or brings a sense of joy and awe. For me, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the warmth of the sun shining on the water, or the unconditional love that my dog Elvis has for me, all can leave me feeling awed by the earth’s beauty and the depth of emotion I feel.

Practice gratitude. What are you thankful or grateful for? Each day it can be something new. Maybe you’re grateful to have a job, or to have gotten out of bed even though you’re tired, or that your mom or a friend called unexpectedly, and it cheered you up.

The idea is to make practicing gratitude a part of your day. Journaling can help make it a more intentional experience. Sharing the things you’re grateful for with others has an even bigger impact on you and them.

Smile. Some meditations encourage you smile with your eye or smile like the Buddha. They suggest it because just the act of smiling makes us feel joyful and happier. So the next time you’re feeling a bit down, try smiling, even if you don’t feel like it.

Appreciate your body. We are so hard on ourselves about our weight or fitness. Bodies naturally come in all shapes and sizes. They carry and support us throughout our days, 365 days each year, for years and years. That’s pretty amazing! So, take a moment to thank your body for being an amazing organism that does so many things naturally, without your even needing to think about it. 

Enjoy!

The stress of the holidays and the cold dark days of winter can make it easy to get stuck in a negative thinking loop. I hope these tips will help you find the joy and splendor of the holidays, of the season and in your life.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!

How To Recognize Stress When You're Stuck At Home

I experience anxiety, I’m an introvert and I recognized later in life that I’m also a highly sensitive person (HSP), so it’s not surprising that I usually spend a good amount of time alone. With the current physical distancing and stay-at-home restrictions here in my home state of Maryland, the pace of my days is a little slower and I’m spending even more time at home.

I’m not a big fan of exercising in a gym with a lot of other sweaty people. Stadium music events stress me out, and shopping at a crowded mall or store isn’t my idea of fun. So, although this time of enforced quarantine is really hard, being at home is not a problem for me.

Make no mistake—I miss traveling, seeing my kids, my family and my friends and being able to go out without worrying about the virus. But I recognize that some time spent alone is actually good for my emotional state.

Stress and anxiety as background noise

Unfortunately, I’m not spending more time at home by choice. Although I’m not dying to go to the gym, I’d like to be able to go to a store without worrying about coming home contaminated. That feeling of powerlessness can add an underlying level of stress to my life.

I’ve taken up journaling each night before bed. Lately I’ve noticed a low level of anxiety that’s with me at the end of each day. It’s as if my body is saying, “There’s another day/week/weekend ahead where you have to be alert and careful. Stay on guard.”

It’s not surprising that some nights that I feel like I dream all night long and others where I toss and turn or wake up in the middle of the night. Fortunately I sleep soundly some nights, but I’m always tired when I wake, so I know my body is holding on to stress all the time.

Tips For Managing Stress In Troubling Times

If you can relate to my experience, or even if you’re feeling pretty good, you can incorporate a few things into your life to help you better manage the constant underlying stress of living in a time of crisis.

Be kind to yourself.  I’ve seen people posting on social media that this as a period of increased creativity and productivity—but if you’re not feeling productive or creative right now, know that you’re not alone. Stress and anxiety make it very hard to find the mental energy and mindset for anything other than survival. So, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are where you are, and that you’re doing the best that you can right now.

Be kind to yourself 2.0. You might also find that you’re falling back into old roles, habits or behaviors you thought you’d changed or modified. Know that it’s not unusual for this to happen. We can easily revert back to old ways of coping with our stress because those old ways of being and doing worked in the past to help us feels better.

I’ve been comfort eating—consuming more carbs than usual—and it is comforting! You might be drinking, using other substances or eating more or less than usual. Or maybe you’re on your phone or other screen more than you’d like to be, or ignoring your kids, or playing more video games than usual to help you relax. Try being kind to yourself in this time, no matter what. We’re in a state of crisis, and adding harsh self-criticism to the mix will only make you feel worse.

Get some fresh air. Being inside might feel safer or less scary, but your body craves nature to help it balance and reset. Find a place where you can feel the ground under your feet, wiggle your toes and stand barefoot if possible, so you can really feel connected to the earth. Imagine you are rooted to the ground, like a tree. Take a few slow deep breaths and notice the air as it enters and leaves your body. Allow yourself to be here for a few minutes before moving on to whatever is next.

Set aside five minutes each day to journal. Taking pen to paper can calm your nervous system without you having to do anything else other than write or draw. Here are a few prompts to get you started:

• What’s happening in my body right now? Get curious and use words or images to describe how your body feels right now.

• What did I do today? It doesn’t have to be profound. Write as much or as little detail as you like.

• How am I feeling right now? Tired? Anxious? Relaxed? Write how you’re feeling and try not to judge a feeling as “good” or “bad.” If you find you’re judging your feelings, journal a reminder that everyone has all the feelings all the time.

• Let it flow. Write about whatever comes to mind.

• Make note of three things you’re grateful for that day. They can be big things or small ones, like seeing the sun shining through the window. Research shows that gratitude practices can reduce depression and anxious feelings.

Laugh out loud. Watch a TV show, YouTube video or Instagram post that gets you laughing out loud. Laughter relieves the stress response, massages your internal organs and can stimulate your circulation and relax your muscles. So get those laughter juices flowing!

We will move through this. Taking care of yourself while we do is good for your body and mind.

Are you doing some fun, outside the box, creative things to de-stress? I’d love to hear about them and include them in a podcast episode!

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

Sleepless On Sunday Nights

Sunday Scaries

Occasionally I struggle with falling or staying asleep. I hate those nights! I can often tell early in the day when I’m going to have a night like that, but I usually ignore the feeling until it’s too late. That’s how I wind up lying in bed on Sunday night, a full week of work ahead, and I’m bug eyed. I’m tired, but my body can’t relax enough to drift off.

If you’re sleepless on Sunday night —or any other night of the week — you’re not alone. According to the National Sleep Foundation, women are more likely to report insomnia than men. The Foundation also notes that, “Surprisingly, 24 percent of women say they have woken up feeling well-rested zero of the past seven days, compared to 16 percent of men, despite reporting similar sleep times.” Well-rested ZERO of the past seven days!

Sunday nights, in particular, seem to be a big problem for sleeplessness for many people. I Googled “Sleepless on Sundays” and got a full page of results on the topic. So let’s look at why it’s so hard for us to fall asleep on Sunday nights.

Why Does Anxiety Make It Hard To Sleep?

We’ve gotten very good as busying ourselves to manage anxiety. If we’re always “doing,” we don’t have time to feel the anxiety, the difficult emotions and the stress that build up over the week. Many people work Monday through Friday jobs, so maybe they’re slowing down on Sundays. Slowing down opens the door to feel feelings, to notice anxiety and stress.

Anxiety can make it hard to sleep

If your workweek is stressful or you’ve put off doing things at work that are now looming, the idea of going back to work on Monday might leave you full of stress.

Or maybe you’re stressed because time is moving forward and you don’t feel as if you’ve done enough over the last week, or you hate your job and it’s already time to go back. Then you to lie awake dreading the week ahead.

Another possibility is that you sleep so little during the week that on weekends you sleep more than usual and come Sunday night your body might not be ready to rest.

Get Curious About Your Stress

If you’re not sleeping on Sundays, it’s time to get curious. Set aside some time to sit with the worry about sleep. It’s best if you can do this sometime before bed, during the day. You might ask some questions to prompt your curiousness, like: 

Journaling can help

• Where do I hold the stress in my body? Is it a tightness in your chest? Increased heart rate? An empty or painful feeling in your belly? Tension in your neck? Once you’ve identified the body’s sensations, just notice them without trying to change them.

• What am I telling myself about the insomnia? Do you tell yourself not to think about it and to push the anxious feelings down? Do you tell yourself that your sleeplessness is your own fault? Maybe you’re telling yourself to ignore the feelings, because they will only make the insomnia inevitable.

• What am I worried about? Draw or journal about your worries. Getting the words or pictures on paper can help ease the distress. It gets them out of your head and onto the paper.

• Am I being too hard on myself? Try offering yourself some compassion about how hard it is to be sleepless. If you were talking to a friend or a child who struggled with insomnia, what might you say to them? Maybe you’d say, “I’m sorry this is so hard for you. I know how hard it is to lie awake on Sundays not sleeping.” If what you’d say to others is kind and compassionate, try offering the same phrases to yourself.

If it feels like you’re never sleeping, or that the idea of trying to sleep causes you distress, therapy could be a resource for you. Talking about the stressors, learning relaxation skills and understanding that you’re not alone in the struggle can help. 

It’s also important to keep regular sleep routines. If you’d like to improve your sleep habits, check out my Good Therapy article, Can Better Sleep Help You Manage Anxiety for tips on things you can do to sleep better.

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If you enjoyed this blog post and would like more insights into living with anxiety, tune into the Woman Worriers podcast. In each weekly 30-minute episode, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, and her guests explore living with anxiety, relationships, parenting, surviving trauma and other topics and offer insights into mindfulness, meditation and other helpful resources.

Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress, contact me!

Megan te Boekhorst

Fernando @cferdo

Aaron Burden

Five Journaling Tips For When Anxiety Takes Control

When Your Anxiety Feels Like A Runaway Train

Anxiety can feel like we're on a runaway train

As I’ve shared before, I struggle with anxiety. I’ve learned to manage it most of the time, but once in a while it jumps into overdrive, like a runaway train, with no intention of slowing down. It can be a humbling experience. My job is to help other people mange their anxiety, so when mine takes over, it leaves me feeling a little like a fraud, which only increases the anxiety!

But I believe that because I know what anxiety feels like and what it’s like to experience some relief from anxious feelings, I’m in a unique position to truly help others who struggle.

Anxiety Is Often Your Body Telling You That You’re Not Listening

My anxiety feels out of my control (which is super scary), when parts of me believe that I’m not listening to or hearing them. Maybe I ignored my own needs and went along with something I didn’t want to do, or maybe I overdid it by staying up late too many nights in a row, when I know I need a good eight hours of sleep to feel like myself. Or maybe I ate too much or drank more than I intended because I was stressed. Whatever the situation, a part of me is fearful that I will revert back to my old bad habits — the habits that kept me anxious a lot of the time.

The deep-seated fear that I’ll undo or mess up everything I’ve worked hard to turn around puts my anxiety into overdrive. But sometimes we do revert back to old ways, because we’re human. I wrote in my last post, and I often tell my clients, that personal growth isn’t always a linear process. One step forward, two steps back.

Creating New Habits Through Mindful Journaling

As I said above, my steps backward usually have something to do with ignoring or not recognizing my own needs, which is a habit years in the making.  And old habits die hard because they’re habits. We have to learn or re-learn how to make changes.

Journaling can help you idendtify what's making you anxious

So, when my anxiety goes speeding down the track, my habitual, go-to response has always been to avoid diving deep into my fears. After all, they’re fears! But what I am learning to do, and what works best, is make a deeper, mindful exploration of the worry or fear. What is it? Why is it showing up now? A great way to be more mindful of what’s happening, non-judgmentally, is through journaling.

Journaling externalizes the issues and gives you a chance to see them with a little more perspective. It also allows you to better understand some of the unconscious thoughts and feelings that might be brewing. Journaling also uses the right side of your brain, and that’s helpful when you’re reacting and not thinking. It allows you slow it down through writing and that can calm down your whole neurobiological system.

Here are some journaling prompts to get you started:

1. What am I feelings right now? Describe the physical and emotional components of your anxiety.
2. Draw a picture of the anxious sensations in your body. Don’t worry if you’re not artistic — just draw what you think it looks and feels like.
3. What part of me is feeling afraid? What are the fears? Fear of failure, fear of rejection?
4. Imagine soothing that scared part. What can you say to help calm the fears? If you can’t think of something, journal what a friend might say to comfort you.
5. Draw how the anxious feelings have changed or stayed the same.

If you’d like to practice mindful journaling, and practice with a group on daily mindfulness activities, there are groups starting this fall. Early sign-up discounts end soon. You can find out more by reaching out to me or clicking here.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-340-8469.

Photo by Amine Rock Hoovr and Milos Tonchevski on Unsplash

Overcoming Feelings of Guilt

Guilty feelings are so much a part of our lives that we take little notice. They show up when we’re feeling like an issue or problem is our fault, or when we’re neglecting things we “should” be doing or “should” have done. Sometimes guilty feelings can prompt us to do things we might not feel like doing. They push us to be pro-social, reaching out to grandparents, parents, partners or friends because we feel we “should,” and we know we’ll feel guilty if we don’t. In these instances, guilty feelings can have a positive effect on our relationships.

Feeling Guilty and Anxious For Things You Can’t Control

But, much of the time the guilty feelings aren’t based on facts or the reality of the situation. They’re often formulated around things we have little control over. They arise when we worry about the way things might be different if only we’d done X, Y or Z. Worrying about the “what-ifs” or “if-onlys” creates guilty, anxious feelings because a part of us believes that maybe we’re the reason things went wrong.

feeling guilty can increase anxiety

When guilt creeps in, it can stop you from moving forward and from really connecting with what’s happening inside you. Guilt can leave you feeling incompetent, not good enough or even worse — that you’re worthless; reinforcing what your internal critic tells you all the time. Then your anxiety and depression increase, throwing you for a loop.

The question is, do we really have that much control over the randomness of life? Is it really our fault when bad things happen? Maybe we can start paying closer attention to those times when we’re feeling guilty and be curious about how much control we really have.

Why Mindfulness Is Helpful

Being more mindful can help slow things down. It can make you more aware of how your body reacts to your stress and guilty feelings. It can help you to be curious about what you’re telling yourself when you’re feeling guilty. Being mindful of our emotions can help us identify what we’re feeling and what triggered those feelings. Then you can work toward offering yourself some compassion. Here’s an example from my own life:

My son was leaving our home to go back to his. About an hour after he left, he called to say his car was acting strangely. My husband and I both spoke to him, offering advice, and he continued on his way. Not long after, he called again to say the car had broken down in the middle of a huge freeway, and he was stuck inside it in the middle of traffic. We were panicked, to put it mildly! My husband and I helped him through the crisis. He and the car survived, but it was a harrowing experience.

Afterward I experienced a few moments of worry over how we could have done things differently. I felt a little guilty about things I didn’t say but wished I had. The feelings weren’t strongly present, and I went to bed feeling relieved that my son was safe. I awoke in the middle of the night with my heart pounding. I couldn’t fall back to sleep, because the thoughts of what I “should” have done were circling my brain, leaving me feeling stressed, anxious and guilty as hell. I was telling myself that if only I’d only done X, Y and Z, everything would’ve been different. The car wouldn’t have broken down and all the stress would’ve been avoided.

Now that I see my feelings put down in writing, my thoughts seem pretty ridiculous and grandiose. As if I have that much power over the universe! But in the moment, my responsibility in the crisis felt very real.

Mindful Attention

Mindful journaling can clarify your thoughts.

I was able to go back to sleep after using some mindful deep breathing to calm myself, but the next day the feelings returned. So I slowed things down, I sat with my uncomfortable feelings and, using mindful journaling, I curiously explored what was happening for me in that moment. Here are a few things I discovered:

• I felt like I had a tight ball of cold energy in my stomach.
• My mind kept rehearsing the things I wished I’d said.
• The thoughts weren’t only about the car and his safety. I’d moved into “this proves I’m not a good mom.” And that touched my core.

Paying mindful attention to my physical and emotional reactions allowed me recognize what was going on as I sat with those difficult feelings. I placed a hand on my stomach where I stored the tension. I took some slow deep breaths and then offered myself some compassion. And I felt better! I was no longer obsessing about the “what-ifs” and “if-onlys.” I was able to recognize that, although the situation made me have thoughts about being a bad mom, I could be compassionate about how hard I was being on myself and I could reinforce my self-worth. The tension released, and I slept like a baby the next night.

Practicing Mindfulness

Would you like to learn how to:

• Slow things down?
• Be more curious about your experience?
• Practice more self-compassion?
• Identify and understand your feelings?
• Be more present in the moment?

Mindfulness groups will be starting this Fall. If you’re interested in learning more, please reach out so we can get started!

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.

Photo by Nik Shuliahin and Green Chameleon on Unsplash

Embracing Your Anxious Parts

Listening To Your Anxious Parts Takes Practice

In my last post I talked about your parts — about when they show up and how they can make you feel, whether it’s anxious, depressed or like an angry or sad 16-year-old. I explained that your inner critic is often the most easily identifiable part, but that we have many parts that develop over our lifetime.

Some of our parts are so hidden that it takes some time and practice to listen and hear what they have to say. Other parts feel so comfortable that it’s hard to distinguish the difference between them and our true selves — our everyday-showing-up selves. Yet, when they show up, we don’t feel genuine or truly connected in our relationships or with ourselves. We might feel like we’re responding from a much younger self or that, deep down, we don’t know who we are.

Recognizing and beginning to identify our parts can help us better understand who we are, how we feel and what we want and need in our lives, in our relationships and within.

Noticing Your Parts

Your parts often show up when strong feelings arise. By paying attention, you begin to notice that you have many different parts. You might hear them in the different messages you tell yourself. They may give you a general sense of uneasiness when life is difficult. Here’s an example:

You’ve decided to step out of your comfort zone and join a yoga class. Never having tried yoga, you’re feeling a little nervous, anxious and unsure of yourself. Below is a conversation that might go on in your head:

Voice One: “Good for me! I signed up for that class!”

Voice Two: “It’s about time. I should have done it six months ago instead of procrastinating! I might even be in shape by now if I’d started then.”

Voice Three: “Everyone is going to know I’ve never done yoga. They’re going to look at me and laugh. I just know it.”

Voice Four: “I should call and get my money back. I have no business being in a yoga class and it’s better to quit then to make a fool of myself.”

Voice Five: “Don’t be such a wuss! You’re always quitting before you even try!”

Voice Six: “Be quiet! Why am I making this so hard for myself? It’s a yoga class, not a dissertation!”

Each one of those voices in your head could be a different part, and they all believe they’re helping, guiding and offering quality advice. Unfortunately, instead they often leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and unsure of what we want. 

Quieting The Inner Critic And Other Anxious Parts

If you pay attention, you begin recognizing the different parts that get triggered when you’re feeling uneasy, depressed or anxious. Journaling, or noting to yourself in an intentional way each time they arise, can help you identify when and where they show up.

Next time a part shows up, instead of telling it to be quiet or arguing with it, I want you to be curious about it. Ask that part, “What are your concerns, worries, or fears? What do you need me to know?” Take a moment to listen, with compassion.

Your inner critic might be worried that by putting yourself out there in new ways you’ll get hurt by others. So it wants to warn you, and keep you safe, but the only way it knows how to do that is by criticizing you.

Your part that wants to avoid, withdraw or submit might tell you to stay home. It worries that being around new people will open you up to their judgment. That part wants you to stay home and avoid anywhere there might be people you don’t know, because that will keep you safe from the uncomfortable feeling of being judged.

Your defensive angry part might yell at you for staying home or not engaging in new, different things. That part thinks that shaming you is the only get you to go out and do the things you say you want to do.

And your true self is overwhelmed, worrying and wondering whether you’re crazy to have all these voices in your head, which leave you feeling unsure about what you want, need and desire.

Listening To Your Self

When you begin to understand that your parts are reacting from deep-seated worries and fears, that they want to keep you safe and protect you, try offering them some compassion for working so hard. Try asking them to quiet their constant dialog, or to step back for a moment to allow you to assess what you really want.

Identifying and dialoging with your parts takes time and practice, because we either accept the messages as truth, or we try to ignore the parts altogether. As your parts feel heard, understood and welcomed, they’ll begin to quiet down. As they become less reactive and anxious, it will be easier to listen and really hear what your true self wants, needs and desires.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.

Photo by Mike Wilson  and by Aidan Meyer on Unsplash 

New Ideas For A New Year

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions. They always feel like a “should” list: I should exercise more; I should eat healthier; I should be a better friend, partner, parent or daughter. Later, I usually wind up feeling guilty about my resolutions, because I don’t follow-through with them. The guilty feelings can then easily turn into anxiety and stress.

This year, instead of making resolutions, I’d like to focus on the things I’d like to grow and sustain in my life. Here are my thoughts on ways to make my New Year more fulfilling:

Spend time with people I care about.

I recently had lunch with a colleague and friend. She had encouraged me when I went back to school, told me to apply for a job I didn’t think I was qualified for (but which I got), and gave me support and guidance when I decided to create my own therapy business. We hadn’t seen each other since the summer and it felt so great to connect again with her. In that moment I made myself a promise, and I shared that promise with her: “I will make an effort to spend time with the people in my life whom I care about but don’t see often enough.”

Take more time away from work.

I love my job and my clients, but taking time away from work recharges me. It makes me appreciate the work I do that much more. Taking time off also gives me the opportunity to travel, and I love traveling!

Connect with my kids more regularly.

I LOVE MY KIDS, and now that they’re grown and living in other states, I don’t see them enough. This year I’m going to make the effort to phone, email and see them more often.

Meditate more regularly and maybe attend a retreat.

Meditation has been a real asset for me. It calms me when I’m feelings stressed and anxious, it grounds me when my worries are in overdrive, and it creates a space for me to be in touch with myself and my feelings. In 2017 I want to make meditation a part of each day. I also want to go to a retreat to meet people who share my interest.

Make my own therapy a priority.

Therapists need therapy too! My therapist supports, listens, guides and provides the healing space for me to process the difficult experiences that I’ve struggled with in my life. I encourage everyone to be in therapy (and not just because I’m a therapist)!

Create art and journal regularly.

Creating art and writing can be very grounding. Once upon a time I journaled regularly and I created artwork. I’ve been journaling again sporadically and feeling the pull to paint, so I’m going to try it! I’m not sure if I’ll take a class or jump right in, but just thinking about it makes me smile.

I would love to know what you’d like to focus on in 2017. Send me an email or leave a comment below!

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose.