We humans tend to see and remember the negative more than the positive. Researchers call it “negative bias.” We recall more bad memories than good ones. When we worry about the future or past, it’s the negative stuff that comes to mind.
Negativity comes naturally
Our negative bias is perfectly normal if you consider how it came about. Our ancestors needed to survive living in the wild, so their brains were always scanning the environment for danger. If they hadn’t, they would have been be eaten by a lion or tiger, so it was useful to be looking for all the possible bad stuff. But we no longer have wild animals stalking us, so our brains find other things—everyday things—to see as dangerous.
Our worries are usually about things we can’t control: Not getting enough “Likes” on social media,” not being invited to the neighbor’s holiday party, or what others think about our clothes, or haircut, or how we behaved.
But worrying about the bad all the time can color how we see and experience what’s happening right now, too. If we’re stuck in negative thinking, we might not notice an opportunity to get a hug, or the array of colors when the sun sets, or the breeze on our face, or the smell or the earth after a rainstorm, or the warmth of our home after we’ve been outside in the cold.
Shifting to a positive perspective
The amazing thing is we can intentionally bring in the positives of everyday life. Doing so can shift our mood. We can go from being depressed or grumpy to feeling hopeful or upbeat. The more we focus on what’s good and joyful, the more our overall outlook on life begins to shift.
Now, I’m no Pollyanna. I know that things are particularly hard right now with COVID still running rampant and the dark cold days of winter upon us, and with social justice struggles continuing throughout the world, I also know there are still good things that we can shift our attention to when while still acknowledging the negative things that are going on.
The key to this practice is practice! Because we’re so hardwired to gravitate towards possible negative outcomes and memories, we need to consciously bring in the positive, notice the joy and remember good results and experiences.
Here are five suggestions to bring more hope, more joy and positive feelings into your life:
Notice the worrying. Each time you find yourself focusing on your worries, take a moment to pause. You can say to yourself, “I was stuck in the bad and now I’m going to notice something good.” Then bring your attention to small accomplishments you’ve had that day, or good memories. The idea is to come up with at least one positive thing.
Bring in more joy. Take time in your day to notice what inspires you or brings a sense of joy and awe. For me, a beautiful sunset or sunrise, the warmth of the sun shining on the water, or the unconditional love that my dog Elvis has for me, all can leave me feeling awed by the earth’s beauty and the depth of emotion I feel.
Practice gratitude. What are you thankful or grateful for? Each day it can be something new. Maybe you’re grateful to have a job, or to have gotten out of bed even though you’re tired, or that your mom or a friend called unexpectedly, and it cheered you up.
The idea is to make practicing gratitude a part of your day. Journaling can help make it a more intentional experience. Sharing the things you’re grateful for with others has an even bigger impact on you and them.
Smile. Some meditations encourage you smile with your eye or smile like the Buddha. They suggest it because just the act of smiling makes us feel joyful and happier. So the next time you’re feeling a bit down, try smiling, even if you don’t feel like it.
Appreciate your body. We are so hard on ourselves about our weight or fitness. Bodies naturally come in all shapes and sizes. They carry and support us throughout our days, 365 days each year, for years and years. That’s pretty amazing! So, take a moment to thank your body for being an amazing organism that does so many things naturally, without your even needing to think about it.
Enjoy!
The stress of the holidays and the cold dark days of winter can make it easy to get stuck in a negative thinking loop. I hope these tips will help you find the joy and splendor of the holidays, of the season and in your life.
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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger, creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md and she’s been featured in these major publications. Elizabeth helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual, online and group therapy can help ease anxiety contact me!
