My Struggle With Anxiety

This blog post was featured in the November editions of the Severna Park Voice.

Dealing with mental health issues can be hard. You often feel alone, isolated — like no one understands what you’re going through. The reality is, a lot of people struggle. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that in 2014, 18.1 percent of all adults in the United States suffered from some type of mental illness. I thought that I’d share my own experience with anxiety to let you know that you are not alone.

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life. Up until my late 40s, I didn’t call it anxiety. I called it stress, or I’d say I was overwhelmed. So what if the same things got me stressed and overwhelmed, over and over again? Later, as I learned more about anxiety, I understood that those things that made me anxious were called triggers.

Some of my triggers included:

• Holidays
• Traveling to unknown places
• Staying somewhere that wasn’t home
• When things didn’t go the way I expected
• When I felt like I was failing, or couldn’t figure something out
• Unplanned events, like being asked to go somewhere at the last minute
• Being with a group of people I didn’t know very well
• Making phone calls

I could probably think of more examples, but you get the idea. When I wasn’t in control, when things weren’t “perfect,” I got anxious. Anxiety presented itself in ways I thought were just a part of my personality. I got really cranky leading up to things that made me anxious, like those listed above. I snapped at my family. I became obsessed with the details — everything had to be “just so” to make me feel somewhat at ease. I avoided situations and events that felt threatening. I’m pretty sure I lost some friends when my kids were little, because I was happier being at home where I could handle any emergency than I was hanging out with them. Later, when the kids were older, I felt uneasy when they weren’t at home. I’d also make my husband call for pizza or answer the phone.

I realize now that anxiety had a greater impact on my life than I was willing to recognize. If someone had asked me examine how anxiety or stress was affecting my day-to-day experiences, I might have gotten help sooner!

Managing Anxiety Day-To-Day

I’ve worked with counselors on and off throughout my life, and it’s been very helpful. (Yes, lots of counselors also get counseling.) These days, my anxiety usually pops up when I have significant transitions in my life. Counseling helped me identify my triggers, so I can start paying attention and begin to relax my body before the anxiety kicks into full gear. In addition to counseling, I also read a lot and learned about anxiety — what causes it, how it presents itself both physically and emotionally, and how to manage it better.

Here are some strategies that have helped me manage my anxiety:

• Using grounding techniques to refocus myself when situations make me anxious
• Practicing mindful meditations
• Taking care of myself and recognizing my needs
• Being more present in the moment instead of worrying about the past or future
• Practicing self-compassion

My struggle with anxiety pushed me to learn about more about it — the causes, how it shows up in my clients’ lives, and how to help those who grapple with anxiety manage it more effectively. Providing a calm, non-judgmental space for my clients to share their story is the first step.

Managing Anxiety Is An Ongoing Process

Anxiety is a normal response to threats, so it doesn’t just disappear. Different situations will continue to trigger my anxiety, so I have to keep working at managing it. The good news is, I’m more aware of the impact of anxiety when I let it take control, and I recognize what is happening. Now, anxiety no longer rules my life. It’s taken a backseat, where it belongs.

If you’d like help managing your anxiety or stress, call me at 410-339-1979 for a free 15-minute phone consultation.

Photos by Mike Wilson and Averie Woodard from Unsplash.com.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979. 

5 Expert Tips On How To Add Self-Care Into Your Life

Part 3 in a Series: Over-stressed and Overwhelmed — We’re Not Taking Care Of Ourselves

Making self-care a priority isn’t easy — but it’s critical to our well-being. My last two posts offered insights from experts on why self-care is so important and why women seem to struggle with self-care. Several of my colleagues talked about the negative consequences that we can experience if we don’t take care of ourselves. So the question remains: How can we make self-care a part of daily life, without adding stress to our life, or our to-do list? Here’s some suggestions:

Take a moment each day to simply pause and feel peace. In that moment, be aware of the breath, maybe close the eyes, find a smile on the face and feel it in the heart. Just simply pause... and feel peace. — Julie Blamphin, Stretch Your Spirit, Annapolis, Md.

Hug someone you love — more than once a day, if possible. (Pets count!!) Hugs. They heal. They connect. They remind you what it feels like to receive support. They remind you that you're not alone. They release oxytocin and serotonin: aka The Cuddle Drugs. They make you want to get closer and they make you feel a part of something cozy, and warm, and LOVE. Hugs are the physical manifestation of love. And as a Self Proclaimed LoveGeek, I advocate for more love, always. — Robyn D’Angelo, LMFT, The Happy Couple Expert, Laguna, Calif.

Mindfully check in with yourself, intentionally, at multiple points throughout each day. Use your breath to connect with your inner self and ask, what do I need? Then wait and listen. The first dozen times I did this, I would receive an answer and immediately discount it, thinking, “That can't be it.” But it was! It might be as simple as '” need water” or “I need to go to the bathroom.” It can be surprising to realize how often we simply ignore those basic needs that our body tries to tell us to attend to. — Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, Therapy Chat Podcast, Severna Park, Md.

Pay attention to things you are already doing that could be transformed into self-care. If you are already feeling overwhelmed, do not feel like you have to add more things onto your plate. Rather than wolfing down your lunch at your desk, actually enjoy and savor your food. If you’re in the car, put on music that you love listening to rather than surfing the radio stations getting frustrated. Look for opportunities to connect and enjoy your experiences that are already present. — Agnes Wainman, Ph.D., C. Psych., London Psychological Services, London, Ontario

Incorporate micro self-care into your day. Taking care of yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go on a weekend spa retreat (although that sounds amazing). Micro self-care means adding small, regular habits into your daily routine that allow you to feel re-energized, more balanced and better able to cope with your day. In an article on micro self-care in Psychotherapy Networker, Ashley Davis Bush, points out that a one-minute grounding exercise, such as listening awareness or breath awareness, at the beginning or in the middle of your day can help keep your focus on the here and now, and you’ll worry less about what’s next. — Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC, Progression Counseling, Annapolis, Md.

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You can also listen to the Therapy Chat Podcast Episode #50 where more therapists share their personal favorite self-care tips.

I hope you’ve found this series on self-care to be helpful. If you’d like some support as you make self-care a greater priority in your life, call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation at 410-340-8469.

Photo by Freestock and Daniela Cuevas, for Unsplash.com

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis counselor who works to help people manage their stress and anxiety. She owns and operates Progression Counseling in Annapolis, MD.

Why Do Women Struggle With Self-Care?

 Part 2 in a Series: Over-Stressed and Overwhelmed —We're Not Taking Care Of Ourselves

Recently, two different female clients told me that they couldn’t fit self-care into their schedule. I think everyone struggles with making self-care a priority, but I also believe that many women make caring for others a priority.  Doing so makes them prime targets for burn-out, added stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps it’s because I am a woman, or because I talk to female friends about this more frequently than I do with male friends, but it seems to me that women in particular struggle more than men when making self-care a priority.  For me, when life is crazy, self-care is the first thing that drops from my to-do list.

Is it genetics? Societal factors? Where did we learn that we should care for others before we care for ourselves? In my last post, several colleagues offered their thoughts on the importance of self-care. I asked some of them, and some others, about why women seem to struggle more with self-care.

Experts Offer Perspectives

Julie Blamphin, a registered yoga teacher, and owner of Stretch Your Spirit in Annapolis, MD, says, “We live in a culture that sometimes tells us that if we put Self before all others, it means that we’re narcissistic, egocentric, or downright selfish. So many of us women shy away from shining our light fully bright. We instead focus that light upon caring for others.”

When we put the focus on others instead of ourselves we can lose track of who we are, what our priorities are, and can lead us to feel unfulfilled, or living our life for others. Blamphin says that when we neglect our needs, our energy becomes imbalanced. This imbalance shows up in our life as:

• Insomnia
• Anger
• Illness
• Addiction
• Pain
• Resentment
• A general sense of grumpiness

Agnes Wainman, Ph.D., C. Psych., of London Psychological Services in London, ON, agrees that our culture’s expectations and perceptions can play a role in women’s priorities. She says, “Women are often expected to take care of others and to put their own needs below others. Self-care is often seen as being selfish or indulgent. We often think of self-care as extravagant — like weekends at the spa. We may feel guilty for taking time for ourselves.”

Laura Reagan, LCSW-C , a Severna Park, MD therapist, and creator/host of the Therapy Chat podcast, agrees that our culture plays a big role in our quest to put others’ needs before our own, but believes that other factors also impact how we care for ourselves. “If we grew up receiving praise for being quiet, nice, responsible and helping around the house, we associate those behaviors with being ‘a good girl.’ If no one attended to our emotional needs we learned to ignore them as well,” she says. “The problem is, if our own emotional needs were neglected by our caregivers in childhood and we continue to ignore our own emotional and physical needs in adulthood by neglecting our own self care, we are re-enacting the neglect we experienced in childhood. This eventually catches up with us, either with our bodies shutting down or having an emotional breakdown — what many people call a ‘midlife crisis’. 

We certainly want to avoid the dissatisfaction, the physical symptoms and the behaviors that accompany self-neglect.  

So how can we make self-care a part of our daily life, without adding to our stress, or our to-do list?

My next post will offer five tips for making self-care easier. In the meantime, if you’d like help reducing stress and making self-care a greater priority in your life, call me for a free 15-minute consultation at 410-340-8469!

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis counselor who works to help people manage their stress and anxiety. She owns and operates Progression Counseling in Annapolis, MD.

Photos by Benjamin Child and Alex Hockett for Unsplash.com

Over-Stressed and Overwhelmed — We're Not Taking Care Of Ourselves

Why Is Self Care So Hard?

Part 1 in a Series: Over-Stressed and Overwhelmed: We’re Not Taking Care of Ourselves

Recently, my husband and I were both ill — fortunately, not at the same time. When he became ill, I took time off from work, without thinking twice. I rescheduled my clients. I kept him company while he was in the hospital, and I brought him take-out food so he didn’t have to eat the gross food from the cafeteria.

After he was discharged from the hospital, I got sick. I had stomach pains that kept me up all night and lasted for three days. It was hard to eat, my body ached, I was exhausted, and I felt terrible.

If someone had asked me what I’d do if I got sick, I’m sure I would say, “I’d take time off to care for myself.” But that’s not what I did. I went to work! I suffered through the first two days, feeling miserable. I’m sure I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by being there and feeling terrible.

Only after I’d struggled through the week, and gone to see my doctor, did I ask myself why I didn’t take better care of myself. How is it I that can tell my clients how important self-care is, yet I can’t stay home when I’m sick?

I talked to a friend who offered her own example. She noted that her intentions were always good, and at times she made self-care a priority. For her, that meant doing yoga every day. But as life her got busier, more stressful and overwhelming, her daily yoga became weekly yoga, and now she said she struggles to fit that in. 

Why do we find it so hard to care for ourselves? Why, when we need it the most — when we’re stressed, burdened and overwhelmed — does self-care go to the bottom of the list, particularly for so many women? I struggled to answer these questions, so I asked a few therapists and healers for their thoughts. This is the first in a series of posts with their insights into the importance of self-care, why women struggle with self-care and how to take better care of ourselves.

Why Is Self-Care Important?

When asked about the benefits of self-care, more than person has said to me, ‘They tell you to put on your oxygen own mask before helping the person next to you for a reason.”  If we aren’t caring for ourselves then what good are we to the people in our lives whom we care about?

Read what my colleagues have to say about why self-care matters so much:

“Self Care is important to me because I don't do it enough and I really hate the consequence of that. As a helper, healer, and hopeful - I am wired to support, give to and guide others. Which means, all that giving does two things:

1. Leaves little or no room for receiving
2. Reminds me of my purpose

These two things don't sound astronomically horrible, but as a woman, I struggle to hold space for both. I try and remind myself that setting myself on fire just to provide light to others is not the best way to live.”

— Robyn D’Angelo, LMFT,  The Happy Couple Expert,  Laguna, CA,

“I used to think self-care was important because I can't be a good wife and mother if I am not taking care of myself. Now I realize that I deserve to have my own needs met just so I can be a healthy and happy human being, aside from my roles of caretaking for others as a mother, wife and therapist. I am worthy of love and attention just simply because I'm alive, and I have needs that must be met so I can function.”

— Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, Therapy Chat Severna Park, MD

“Self-care is an activity or practice that gives to us rather than takes from us. It may give us a time to rest, a time to connect with ourselves, a time to invest in our own physical and emotional well-being. Self-care is the fuel for our coping tank.”

— Agnes Wainman, Ph.D., C. Psych., London Psychological Services, London, Ontario

My next post will examine why women seem to have a hard time making self-care a priority. If you’d like help managing your stress and making self-care a greater priority in your life, call me for a free 15-minute consultation at 410-340-8469.

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis Counselor who works to help people manage their stress and anxiety. She owns and operates Progression Counseling in Annapolis.

Photos by: Elizabeth Lies & Drew Coffman- unsplash.com

Coming Together When We’re Coming Apart

It feels like our society has lost its sense of unity. All we do is take sides: Are you on the right or the left, Democrat or Republican, white or are you black, Christian or Muslim, male or female…? You get the point.

In order to take sides, or to figure out who isn’t on your side, you make a judgment about them. We can form opinions based on analysis or careful consideration, but when we make judgments, they are usually quick, in the moment decisions. Judgments are based upon visual clues, emotional cues, and the way we process, categorize and make sense of things. We can then fit whatever we’re judging into our mental picture of how we see world.

Judging Others

Judging others can cause us stress and anxiety.

For instance, I was in a bookstore recently. The man ahead of me in the checkout line was white, and had a long ponytail, lots of tattoos, a leather jacket and boots, and a chain wallet. I hate to admit that my immediate thoughts were, He seems tough. He’s a biker. His motorcycle is parked out front. What is a guy like him doing in a bookstore? As soon as I started this process I chastised myself, for I had no way of knowing who he was, or why he was there. After we struck up a conversation, I found out that he had a lifelong meditation practice, and was buying a Jon Kabat-Zinn book for his girlfriend. When I made the effort to see him outside my narrow vision of him, and talked to him, I found out we weren’t so different.

Stressing Out

Constantly judging others who seem different from us takes mental energy and can cause stress and anxiety. When we feel threatened by people who are different from us, our nervous system gets activated, because our bodies think we are in real danger. If we see the world as a threatening or unsafe place because it includes people whose skin is a different color than ours, who are from a different culture or who practice a different religion, then we are living with added stress.

Each time we hear messages that reinforce our fears, our stress response activates, making us feel uncomfortable, and increasing our feelings of fear and distrust. All of that stress can overwhelm us.

An article in PsychologyBenefits.org noted that when we don’t take the time to learn about each other, and we respond from fear or anxiety, instead of empathy and compassion, we are more likely to:

• Smile less
• Maintain less eye contact
• Use a less friendly verbal tone
• Keep greater physical distance
• Avoid interactions with people of other races altogether

Being Empathetic

The good news is that we can change, and all it takes is getting to know the people who might seem different from us. Studies have shown that when we approach others with empathy, curiosity and compassion, the racial and cultural anxieties lessen and positive interracial relations increase.

How To Stop Judging Others

Here are five steps to help you reframe your thoughts if you find you are quick to judge others:

1. Be mindful or pay attention to your thoughts when you see someone who looks different from you.
2. If you find you are making a judgment about the person ask yourself, “How do I know this is true? Have I met him or spoken to her?”
3. Create a different story about him that doesn’t feel threatening.
4. Be curious. If it feels right, talk to her and ask questions.
5. Be empathetic. Try seeing the world from his eyes, and work to understand her experiences.

How To Stop Judging Yourself

Empathy and compassion not only affects how we see others, but also how we see ourselves. If we can see suffering and struggle as a common human experience, instead of being hard on ourselves when times are tough, or when we make mistakes, we can learn to be compassionate towards ourselves. You can find more about self-compassion here and here.

If you're feeling overly anxious or stressed and think that counseling might help you please reach out.

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis therapist who helps people manage their stress and anxiety. She owns and operates Progression Counseling in Annapolis. For a free 15-minute consultation call me 410-340-8469.

4 Ways Music Can Reduce Your Anxiety

This week I have the privilege to share a post from guest blogger Maya Benatar, a music therapist and psychotherapist in New York City. I've felt music's influence on me and on my moods throughout my life. Whether I'm dancing, driving with the radio cranked up, seeing live music, or using music for background entertainment, I find that it generates some very strong emotions. I love that Maya incorporates music into therapy. Check out her ideas on using music to manage anxiety, and leave a comment below!

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I have found that the kind of music that helps people with their anxiety can vary greatly. Some people can really sink into slow and peaceful music that helps them breathe and calm, while others really need to move the anxiety out energetically – to “shake it off”, so to speak (apologies to Taylor Swift!). Some people love toning, and others have no idea what it is (if that’s you, keep reading!). You may find that on certain days or in certain situations you respond differently to different types of music. This is completely typical – music is not a “one size fits all” kind of thing.

Here are some ideas to try – if music is not part of your self-care routine, there’s no time like the present to start.

1. Sound it. Toning is singing a vowel sound, or syllable, for the length of an exhalation. Some vowel sounds I like to play around with are “ah” “oo” and “ee”. Take an inhale through your nose, and as you exhale allow the sound to slide out on top of the breath. It doesn’t matter what pitch you sing, the quality of the sound, or its duration. Just imagine your anxiety flowing out of your body with the tone. Try 5-10 of these and see if you notice any physical or emotional shifts. You can experiment with toning on low or high pitches, different vowel sounds, lying down or sitting up. You may notice that your voice will sound different depending on how you’re feeling physically, the time of day, or your mood – that’s perfectly okay. Toning is more about the release of emotion and sound, and much less about sounding like a rock star.

2. Listen to it. Experiment with different kinds of music to listen to. Sometimes when you’re anxious you may need to listen to something upbeat and rhythmic – try 80s music or hard rock or disco or whatever you like. At other times, you may find your anxiety soothed by slow, calm music – I’m personally partial to the cello, but there are many genres and artists that could potentially soothe you – maybe classical or Erykah Badu or John Legend. Allow yourself to not know exactly what will work for you, and give yourself some time and space to figure it out. You may be surprised by what you find – often my clients with anxiety feel soothed by music that’s not “typically relaxing” and that’s more than okay! Notice any pre-conceived ideas about what music you “should” find relaxing. Be open to something outside of the box – one of my go-to songs for anxious moments is “On My Way Home” by Pentatonix. Not your typical relaxing Bach piece, but it works for me!

3. Move it. This ties into the listening mentioned in number 2, but movement is often helpful for anxiety. Whether that’s dancing, playing air guitar, drumming on your steering wheel, or doing yoga to music is up to you. I also suggest noticing the rhythm and energy of your body as you move through your anxiety – what would your anxiety sound like if you played it on a drum? Where do you feel it in your body? What part of your body feels easy and free, instead of anxious? Sometimes anxiety needs to be expressed as it is – in its shakiness and stuckness – rather than just soothed. This relates directly to how sometimes you may need to have people hear and validate that you’re anxious, rather than just soothe or placate you.

4. Be still. If reading or journaling or meditating doesn’t work for you, perhaps try making a ritual of sound and stillness. You could sit quietly with eyes closed and listen to one favorite song, play a small bell or singing bowl – let each tone fade away before playing the next, or simply sit quietly and listen to the sounds around you, whether you’re inside or outside. See what sounds you notice if you pause right now, just for a moment. You may notice the sound of your own breathing, people around you, birds outside – or something completely unexpected!

Music can be a powerful way to practice gentle self-care and reduce your anxiety. What kind of music helps you feel less anxious? Leave me a comment below – I’d love to hear from you!

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Maya Benattar, MA, MT-BC, LCAT is a music therapist and psychotherapist in New York City. She helps women slow down their busy lives, reduce anxiety and worry through creative expression & become confident and calm in relationships, at work, and in everyday life. Maya also offers engaging presentations for healthcare professionals, educators, and stressed out adults. Get Maya’s free guided relaxation audio track to slow down and practice gentle self-care today.

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis therapist who helps people manage their anxiety and stress.

It’s Time To Open Doors, Not Close Them

Hope

A friend recently asked me to write a happy blog to offset all the sadness in the news lately. It’s so painful to see all the hurt, hatred and violence that have become a part of our lives. When each new tragedy occurs, my heart breaks for all the victims and their families. And I am angry that nothing changes.

This is my effort to make sense of our nation and the world we live in. And although I don’t think I can do “happy,” I can do hopeful.

Feeling The Impact Of Racism, Bigotry And Hate In Daily Life

Being a therapist, I know the negative impact that racism, bigotry and hate have on our mental health and our physical well-being. Being a woman, I know the harmful effects of sexism and sexual violence. And I have family, friends, colleagues, clients and classmates who’ve also felt the adverse impact of racist, bigoted, hateful incidents ranging from microaggressions to assault. I also know that I am white and middle class, and as a result, have certain privileges that many people in our country do not.

In the wake of the recent killing of recent shootings of young black men by police officers, and the five police officers who were killed at a peaceful Black Lives Matter rally in Dallas, it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening in the world or to find any hope that things will get better.

History Offers Hope For Change

Fortunately, history tells us that change can come from difficult times. Peaceful and violent demonstrations have brought about significant changes in our society.  

I believe that real change can come. But before it can happen, those of us with power and privilege (like me) have to be open and ready to have uncomfortable conversations about the existing problems and to accept that many inequalities persist in our society.

Incorporating Activism In Daily Life

How can we become open and ready? I am no activist, but here is what I believe I can do:

·      I can make an effort to listen all my clients, family, friends, colleagues and strangers. I can try to understand their experience from their perspective, and be truly empathetic.

·      I can be aware and acknowledge that real problems exist and to be ready to learn about them with an open mind and heart.

·      I can learn about the differences of all cultures and races, and their differences, with curiosity and compassion, instead of with judgment and hatred. 

·      Lastly, I can communicate and educate others about how the messages of racism, bigotry and hatred that I hear, see and witness each day impact all of us.

It’s Time To Open Doors, Not Close Them

Instead of closing borders and closing our hearts, I think it’s time to open them. Instead of the “us” versus “them” refrain that we continue to hear on the news, from politicians, and on social media, I believe we need a real, two-way dialog and a stronger more unifying message. We are all “us,” and we can learn to embrace, appreciate and value our individual differences.

It’s Up To Us

I believe that each individual voice, open heart and open mind can make a difference, and I will continue to have hope that these trying, difficult times, in which racism, bigotry, violence and hatred are so prevalent, can lead to lasting changes in our society and in the world.

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Elizabeth Cush, MA, LGPC is an Annapolis therapist helping people manage their stress and anxiety.

10 Signs That You Might Be Under Stress

She’s Got It All, Doesn’t She?

Maria might seem familiar to you. Maybe she’s a friend, relative, co-worker…. Maybe she’s even you. I know her well, because she’s like many women I see in my Annapolis counseling practice who are affected by stress.

Maria sees herself as a woman who can handle a lot. She’s very busy most of the time, and when she’s got free time she finds things to fill her schedule. She juggles a career, children, laundry, cooking, cleaning, volunteering, and helping out friends in need. In fact, Maria loves to help others, but she finds asking for help much more difficult.

In the past, her friends often wondered how she managed to keep everything under control, but lately they worry that she’s struggling. Maria hasn’t said anything, but she’s missed a few plans with friends, she’s forgotten about parent meetings at the middle school, and she seems very distracted, as if her mind were a million miles away.

Life Changes Can Add Stress

Until recently, Maria had always seen herself as independent and motivated. More important, she always felt in control. Then she was promoted at work. In her new position, she has to manage employees and learn new responsibilities. She was so excited and proud to be promoted, but the added work has created stress. Maria believes that she should be able handle her new job without a mistake. She’s sure the employees are judging her and will no longer respect her if she doesn’t get it right.

10 Signs That You Might Be Under Stress

1. Worrying all the time.
2. Feeling as if our mind is always in the “on” position.
3. Being short-tempered towards family and friends.
4. Wanting to avoid people and places for fear that others are judging you.
5. Anxiety attacks that seem to come from nowhere.
6. Experiencing frequent headaches or stomachaches.
7. Feeling tightness in the chest, or shortness of breath.
8. Difficulty focusing on daily tasks.
9. Trouble sleeping most nights because your mind won’t turn off.
10. Feeling overwhelmed at work and at home.

Perfection: A Realistic Goal?

Maria thought she had to be a perfect parent, a perfect employee, a perfect wife, a perfect friend — but suddenly all of the pieces of her life that she’d kept organized and balanced suddenly felt overwhelming. She was irritable with her family, she avoided friends because she was sure they were judging her, she was constantly worrying, and she was stressed out. Maria thought that asking for help made her weak. When her husband and best friend suggested she see a counselor to help her manage her stress, Maria felt like a failure, but she knew she needed the outside support. 

With counseling perhaps Maria can learn to let go of the need to control everything and everyone, to reach out for help and support and to accept herself for who she is — a human with built-in imperfections.

Counseling Can Help You Manage Stress By:

• Giving you a safe, non-judgmental place to talk about what’s on your mind.
• Providing space to tell your story from your perspective.
• Allowing you to gain an understanding of your body’s stress response, and how it impacts your mental and physical health.
• Teaching you stress-reduction strategies and techniques.
• Helping you learn to accept yourself as you are, so that you can embrace your imperfections.

Sometimes our carefully controlled lives can feel out of control, like Maria’s did after her promotion. Counseling can help you bring balance to your life and reduce the feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed.

If you would like help managing your stress please call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can also check out my blog for more posts on stress, mindfulness and how counseling might help you.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist, blogger,  creator and host of the Woman Worriers podcast, and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-339-1979. 

Signs Of And Strategies For Dealing With Worry

Worrying is normal; it’s how we assess for potentially dangerous situations. But sometimes worry can take over your life, and leave you feeling overwhelmed. When that happens, you might need some strategies to let go of the worry.

Always Worrying

You might see yourself in this story because this could be many of my clients that I’ve worked with in my Annapolis counseling practice who have struggled with worry, stress and feeling overwhelmed.

Worrying can leave you exhausted and feeling overwhelmed.

Francie was always busy. She took care of her home and her family, she worked part time, she volunteered at her kid’s school, and she was always the first one to offer to help out her friends. From the outside Francie appeared to have it all together, but what most people didn’t know was that Francie worried all the time.

She had twin girls and entering middle school, and she worried about them out in the world. She worried about her husband driving to Baltimore County on the beltway each day. She worried about her parents, who might be getting divorced. She worried about her sister, who seemed to like to have a little too much fun. She worried when her house wasn’t clean, or the laundry didn’t get done. She worried when everyone in her family wasn’t happy, and worried when she couldn’t make everything better. She worried that maybe she wasn’t a good enough mother, wife and friend. She worried about worrying too much.

We all worry. It’s part of being human, and worry can serve us well because we are ready for danger when and if it comes. But for some people, like Francie, worrying can take over their thoughts, leave them feeling overwhelmed, and they lose the joy and ease in their lives.

5 Ways To Recognize That Worrying Could Be Ruling Your Life

1. Worrying keeps you from falling asleep or staying asleep most nights.

2. It feels like your mind is always “on.”

3. You rehash conversations, your actions or behaviors over and over again, wondering how you might have done things differently.

4. When things don’t go as planned you get frustrated, angry or scared.

5. You’re irritable a lot of the time.

All the worrying made it hard for Francie to sleep well. Some nights she fell asleep at 3 a.m., only to wake again at 6 a.m. Her friends and family didn’t know that she worried so much, that she often had trouble concentrating at work, and felt unfocused much of the time. She got frequent headaches and stomachaches. Sometimes she couldn’t swallow food because of the tightness in her throat.

Recently, Francie had an anxiety attack while working at her daughters’ school. She was light headed. Her chest felt constricted, and she could only take shallow breaths. She began to sweat, she saw stars, and she thought she was going to faint. This was the first time her friends knew she was struggling. She was mortified that they had witnessed her in such a vulnerable state. The feeling of losing control prompted Francie to seek therapy.

Counseling For Anxiety

Through counseling, Francie began to understand that her need for control stemmed from her learning at a young age that being in control kept the peace, and it also kept her safe. Over time, Francie revealed that her father had been an alcoholic. Francie had to take care of her younger siblings when her mother was at work. If Francie didn’t keep them under control, her father would yell at her and then at her mom when she got home. This made her mom really sad, and Francie felt she was to blame. When she was able to keep her siblings under control, things were less stressful, and she felt safer.

Counseling also helped Francie understand that her constant worrying was anxiety, and staying busy was her way of controlling it. If she was always doing something, she had little time to think about her worries, and so she filled her days with work, activities and chores.

We discussed the impact that all her worrying was having on her mental and physical health. We talked about why being in control was so important to her, and how hard it was to control everything in life.  Together we came up with some strategies to help her more easily accept the natural ups and downs of life, which allowed her to let go of her need to control everything.

5 Strategies To Help You Let Go

Practicing mindfulness can help ease worry

1. Practice daily mindfulness. Mindfulness means paying closer attention to what is happening right now, with openness and compassion. It keeps you attuned to the here-and-now instead of worrying about past and future events. You can read more about practicing mindfulness and self-compassion.

2. Exercise regularly. Exercise releases the body’s natural “happiness” chemicals and hormones. It can also help you sleep better.

3. Practice healthy sleep habits. A good night’s sleep can take the edge off, make you less irritable and activate your body’s immune system.  Here are some tips for a good night’s sleep.

4. Do yoga, get acupuncture or meditate. These alternative practices can help you relax your body and calm your mind.

5. Get support. Talk to friends, family or a counselor. People often feel alone in their struggles. Sharing your experience can help you feel more connected and supported.

Achieving Emotional Balance

Through counseling and some lifestyle changes, Francie has been able to live a more emotionally balanced life. If you would like to live your life with more balance please call or email Progression Counseling for a free 15-minute consultation.

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Elizabeth Cush, LCPC is a therapist and the owner of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md. She helps busy, overwhelmed men and women manage their anxiety and stress so they can live their lives with more ease, contentment and purpose. If you'd like to know more about how individual and group therapy can help ease anxiety and stress call me 410-340-8469.